On June 28, 2018, my life changed indefinitely.

I experienced something that most will never, unfortunately, come close to in their life. I had a dream - the most incredible, vivid and uplifting dream I have ever experienced. My dream was filled with touches and smells and embraces that cannot even be described with words.

I lost my father at a young age. This man meant the absolute world to me. He was my constant rock. My world was forever changed with his passing. Every day since, I have longed for a sign from above that all was okay. Everything about my life has been far from easy. I have suffered unimaginable downs. I have lost family and friends that most could not imagine a life without. I do have one thing going for me. That "thing" was a gift left behind by my father. That gift… was strength. It is an indescribable strength that I didn't even know I had until now.

Going back even further, my dad passed away when I was 11. He had suffered pain that most cannot even connect with. This pain eventually took his life. For the last of my nine years, I have lived them attempting to cope with my situation. This has been no small task. I wake up every day wondering why. Why me? Why him? Why suicide? And the biggest yet… why God?

I was raised with a very strong religious upbringing. This upbringing has grounded me. However, this upbringing quickly came into question with the loss of my father. I accepted it during the loss of my aunt and then my cousin, but my dad? This was the ultimate test. It was too difficult to even seem real. Not only was I hurting, but I was watching everyone I cared about around me hurt. And someone please tell me… how is an 11-year-old supposed to cope with that? No one is wired to cope with that. No one should be wired to cope with that.

To get back to where I started, on this night it all changed. This night turned out to be the most glorious night of my short, short life. I fell asleep believing my life to be one way and woke up to feeling another. Overnight, my dad came to me. He spoke all the right words in all the right amount of time.

Two days prior to this, I found myself down and out. I was left feeling hurt and sad and abandoned. A lifelong friend had chosen not to be close to me anymore. They chose to abandon our friendship that had been ongoing and AMAZING since kindergarten. Next, my stubborn brother had chosen not to be my brother anymore. Here I am, empty, hurt and alone. So I do what I know best. I play "Let it Be" by the Beatles and I talk.

Trust me, I know how to talk. It has always been my thing to just talk. Most of the times, I cannot shut up. As I am talking, I'm pleading. I'm begging. I just keep asking why can't I deserve something good. Why do I not deserve a sign? I need a sign. However, God was working His mysterious ways without me even knowing, because that's what He knows to do. That is what God knows best.

This night my dad came to me. In the nine years he's been gone, he has never come to me. However, that night, he was there. He came to me. The vividness is nothing I can put into words. As my dream came to be, there was an initial panic. Nobody knew why my father was missing. We all awoke and he was absent. Right away, everyone knew what this meant. We all knew he was truly gone. Everyone searching was very aware that he was gone and most likely dead. It was almost immediately that we felt these feelings. It was as if we already knew the outcome. There was something different. We all knew, but we didn't stop. We kept searching. Then there he was. He was right there. He was in his element. There is no other way I can explain, but that he was in his element. He had his typical "Bob-buzz" on, playing a round of golf on a beautiful day. It was perfect. It was speechless. I ran to him. I sprinted towards his embrace. As I approached him, his arms opened wide, he took me in. He held me. He hugged me.

Take your most heart-wrenching embrace you've ever felt and multiply that by 1,000 over and over again. That still isn't even close to the embrace I felt from my father. And then. That was it. This is when the moment occurred. This is the moment of the story that I have been preparing you for. My late father looked at me and with the most genuine and heartfelt eyes, he told me, "I am so sorry Emily, but you have to know that I tried my hardest and that I am okay now. I am better now." This was it. This was the moment I had longed for these last nine years. This is what made all of the struggle worth it. This was my moment. These words were perfect beyond belief. My father was there in that dream. My father was there with me that night. He was present in every form. From the physical touch of his warm embrace to the familiar and soothing tone of his voice, and even down to his old spice cologne. It was all there, and he was there speaking all the right words.

I have not a single doubt in my mind that it wasn't my father in my dream. God knew. My dad knew. Both of them knew I needed this. Some are going to call me crazy, but you weren't there.