The Dos and Don'ts of Super Bowl Sunday
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The Dos and Don'ts of Super Bowl Sunday

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The Dos and Don'ts of Super Bowl Sunday

You might think I’m crazy if told you that I couldn’t wait to watch a bunch of commercials this weekend. But then I would remind you that Super Bowl Sunday is on its way, and that was really rash of you to say I was crazy when in reality you’re the one who’s out of the loop. Jeez man. Super Bowl Sunday is the day champions are made. It’s also the day when you get to find out who the All-Star line-up is on the roster of your friends. Here are some Dos and Don'ts that will help you be this year’s MVP at the Super Bowl Party.   

DO make sure to bring some food to the party               

I know it may be you and your buddies who are going to drink like it’s Oktoberfest and yell at the TV like it stole your shoes, but chances are someone else is going to do the cooking. Maybe it’s the dude who lost fantasy football that year and is being forced to host the Super Bowl party. 

In this case, he deserves this and you should treat him like dirt. However, this could also be someone’s momma if you’re lucky. In cases like this, you should bring something small that will help to aid their hosting abilities. I would tell you what this entails, but you’re not an idiot. Buy some chips for God’s sake. If you end up going to a bar, you should bring food anyway. That place is going to be as crowded as a mob from War of the Worlds and you’re going to pass out if you don’t have a meatball sub somewhere handy.   

DON’T make fun of the host’s girlfriend who is wearing a jersey of the team you hate        

There are going to be people at the Super Bowl party who haven’t watched a game all year. Don’t freak out because they’re wearing a Cowboys jersey. You may be a “Super Fan,” but you are going to look a like a jerk debating sports stats with someone who doesn’t give a damn. 

The Super Bowl is a day where everybody is going to put there allegiances aside for a strict 4-quarter period in order to watch the best two teams duke it out. That means that you’re going to have to swallow your pride and sit next to that person in the Oakland Raiders viking helmet. 

(By the way, in case you think that’s a made up thing, it’s not. There’s some idiot who wears a Viking helmet with a Raider logo on it to raider games. He even wore it to the preseason game where the Raiders played the Vikings. If those Viking fans could suck it up, so can you.)

DO bring a football or some beer for your friends who aren’t playing football             

This year the halftime show for the Super Bowl is going to be Katy Perry. I know she’s smoking hot, but let’s be honest with ourselves. There is a fan base for Katy Perry, and they aren’t watching the Super Bowl. What happened to half time shows like Tom Petty or the Rolling Stones? All I know is that I’ll be spending that time outside tossing the ol’ pigskin around. I’m sure there’s someone who will play with me that also isn’t a huge fan of having, “BABY YOU’RE A FIREEEEEE WORRRRK” stuck in your head all day. If not, I’m sure there’s a cold brew waiting for you somewhere.   

DON’T get too drunk             

Speaking of cold brew, this is an important thing to remember. I know this sounds like an obvious one, but trust me, this is more complicated than it sounds. 

I’m not saying, “Don’t get drunk.” By all means, get drunk as hell. But there is a fine line between being a fun loving drunken dude or dudette watching the Super Bowl, and being the worst person ever. Pretty soon, one doofus is going to get too worked up about calls and everyone in the room is going to wish this was an episode of survivor where we could vote his ass away. Either way, you can have a great time without puking all over the host’s couch.   

DO figure out what the story is with both these teams             

If you’re like 99.5% of the planet, your team didn’t make the Super Bowl. That’s okay. Well it’s not totally okay, but life isn’t over. We still have the big game to look forward to. Sometimes it seems like the two teams playing came out of nowhere. This year I was on these teams like white on rice. However there have been teams that seem to just find themselves there. There isn’t a bad team that makes it to the Super Bowl. The way they made it there is sometimes a better story than Cinderella. If you’re smart, you’ll learn these stories, because they’ll make the game that much better.   

DON’T bet your life savings on Super Bowl squares             

Super Bowl squares is a damn scam. Heed my words. You will lose. I know when you look at those little squares, you can see your hopes and dreams coming true. It may seem like the answer to all your problems, and the key to the future you’ve always wanted: The platinum Benz, the hot tub filled with Spaghetti-O’s, and of course, the life-sized gold statue of Patrick Swayze. This is all just going to have to remain a fantasy until you win the lottery or write the song that they use for a theme of CSI. Super Bowl squares are a small cash affair, and shouldn’t be taken too seriously.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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