I lived in a small town most of my life, but I knew I wanted to leave there and go to college out of state where I would fit in. I was tired of being in a town where everyone seemed to know me better than I knew myself.

Now I am at a D1 school and I feel like I’m either invisible or a joke. I am constantly homesick, but not for home. Right now, I am not sure where “home” is because I don’t know where I can live and be happy, accepted, and successful.

In itself, going to a large university is great in that I have some of the best professors in the country, SEC football games are like no other, and I have so many opportunities to be involved. I love my school but I struggle feeling like maybe I'll never fit in.

I thought my family would miss me like crazy and call me every night but instead, I am calling them so much that they are annoyed. I just never have anyone I can talk to. I thought I would have friends and a boyfriend and I end up sitting in my room while everyone goes to parties or downtown or even just hangs out without me.

I try to make the most of the situation by making myself dinner and watching movies on Friday nights while everyone is out. But I just end up lonely and bored.

I feel like I am missing out on my full college experience. I look forward to my classes and I don’t mind the work. I work hard to build connections as I am trying to find a job.

But at the end of the day, it’s just me.

Back home, I wasn’t popular but the few friends I had meant the world to me. I knew that if I needed them that they would be there. In the least, I always had my dogs waiting for me when I got home.

Now, everyone seems to be different than me and it feels like because I don’t drink and I don’t have a boyfriend that I have this barrier in all of my friendships. I don't have fake friends, but I have a lot of "sometimes friends". I am always there if someone needs me and I am constantly trying to hang out with people, but they only try to hang out with me when they don't have anyone else.

During high school, everyone knew I was excited to come to my new school and that I was driven to be successful. I was always told that I didn’t belong in a small southern town and that they could see me in a big city. I thought I would move away and be completely satisfied.

I don’t want to go back home but I can’t help but feel like maybe I won’t fit in anywhere.