Don't Tell Me My Standards Are Too High

Don't Tell Me My Standards Are Too High

I will wait, and I will not settle.

Seven years ago, I sat in the back of my parents’ mini van on the way to my first college tour. My mom and I were chatting away about all of the exciting things that would be coming up in the next few years: graduating high school, moving into a dorm and of course, dating college boys. It was during that conversation that my mom encouraged me to make a list — that is, a list of traits and characteristics I was looking for in a guy. This way, I would have standards to go by, making it much more difficult for me to settle for just any boy who came along.

So that afternoon in the back of that minivan, I started writing my list. At the very top of the list were the really important things:

Loves Jesus

Taller than me

Great personality

Hard worker

Good sense of humor

Then as I went further down the list, I got a little more specific:

Likes to cook

No piercings

Plays/loves sports

At least six feet tall

Brown or blue eyes

And the list kept going.

Once I finished it, I would tell my friends and family about my list, very proud of the fact that I had standards, and high standards at that. However, many of the people I told about this list were not as proud. In fact, a lot of them were downright discouraging. I would hear things like:

“That’s a pretty lofty list, Kristen.”

"I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”

“You’re going to need to tone that list down a little if you want to find someone.”

“I hope you’re willing to be single for a long time.”

“You’re never going to find someone that fits all of those standards."

Or my personal favorite…

“Good luck with that."

I look back at this wrinkled piece of paper now and can’t help but chuckle, because my list was really detailed, and looking back now, those people had a point that it was going to be pretty difficult to find someone who matched every single item on that list.

So over the next few years, my standards changed pretty drastically. As I navigated my fair share of dating disasters, I started to realize what was really important, and what wasn’t.

Now, seven years later, this is what my list looks like:

  1. Has an obvious, growing relationship with Jesus
  2. Has a heart for others
  3. Has a kind, gentle spirit
  4. Strives to fulfill God’s call on his life
  5. Pursues me and treats me with love and respect
  6. Thinks my character, my faith and my personality are attractive qualities
  7. Wants a family
  8. Strives for purity, even when it’s difficult
  9. Taller than me

OK, so the last one carried over from the first list, but everything else is pretty much new. Either way, I thought that this version of my list would be much more realistic and would make it much easier for me to find someone. Not only that, but I thought other people would be much more supportive and encouraging about this list than they were the last one.

Boy, was I wrong.

Once again, I heard the same old lines, all of which could be summed up in four words:

“Good luck with that.”

For a while, this discouragement really bothered me. Partially because I’m a people pleaser, and I want people to like me and not think I’m an idiot. But mainly, it bothered me because for 5 years, I never got past a second date with anyone. So I couldn’t help but wonder if there was some truth to what these people had been telling me. What if I really was going to have to lower my standards if I wanted to find someone? What if I had no choice but to settle? What if they were right?

Thankfully, it didn’t take me long to realize that these discouragers weren’t any more right about my standards than I was about thinking Rachel was going to pick Peter in the "Bachelorette" finale.

I have a list that I not only believe I can be proud of, but I have a list that I believe my Heavenly Father is proud of, too. Every single thing on my list (other than the one about being taller than me) is backed by what He talks about in His Word.

He desires all of us to have a growing relationship with Him. (Ephesians 3:17-19)

He asks all of us to be kind, caring and gentle towards other people. (Galatians 5:22-23)

He tells us to value someone’s character over their appearance. (1 Samuel 16:7)

He commands us to live a life purity, to love each other and to respect each other. (1 Timothy 4:12)





So, to all of the people who have discouraged me over the years because of my list, to the people who have said I’ll never find someone according to my standards, please hear me when I say this.

Don’t tell me my standards are too high.

I truly believe my standards for a husband are in line with God’s standards for all of His children. He was the originator of this list. He came up with each and every quality. So if you have a problem with my list, then feel free to take it up with my Heavenly Father.

And let me be the first to say, good luck with that.

Cover Image Credit: Courtesy of Noelle Leopard

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To The Broken-Hearted, Take A Moment And Breathe

There’s always sunshine after rain.

To the broken-hearted,

They say a heartbreak can make you stronger, so why does it make you feel so weak?

You meet someone new and he makes you weak in the knees. You can’t help but laugh around him, and let loose. You become best friends then all of a sudden you’ve fallen in love with his smile, and the look he gives you. Everything is going great, meeting the families, enjoying holidays, and meeting friends. Then the storm comes and all you are doing is arguing over the tiny things, except this time someone ends it. The tears won’t stop flowing from your eyes and the song you love so much makes you mad.

Take a moment and breathe.

One day it won’t matter. I know it hurts now but in 20 years it won’t. You have to grow as a person from this heartbreak. Take this time to figure out who you want to be in 20 years.

The thing about being a millennial is at the age of 18-25 all you’re thinking about is finding the right person to call your husband/wife, to live in the big farmhouse, with your three dogs, and two kids. But the main focus should be on YOU. If you’ve found that love, I am beyond happy for you, but for someone who is going through this now, I understand. All I wanted was to live with my boyfriend and make it, but we both had some growing to do. Not physically but emotionally and mentally. You cannot be with someone if you are not with yourself first. You cannot give away love if you do not have that type of love invested in yourself.

It’s hard to move on, so don’t move from guy to guy or girl to girl. Take pride in yourself. Prosper at your job or in school. Dress up and go out with friends, or just dress up and go to Walmart. Stop looking for love in places unless it’s in you. You’re still young and have a lot to live for.

I’m not saying don’t look for love, because you should... but look for love in the little things. Go on a hike, join a gym, go to a park, or take a trip to the beach. Get up and do something instead of feeling sorry for yourself because, trust me, it does not matter how old you are or where you are, the one for you will be there. Give it time. But for now, get out of that dark place and find the light. There’s always sunshine after rain.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Broken Heart.

Ps. A lot of this is advice from my mom... she’s pretty good at this.

Cover Image Credit: Jayden Trotter

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Looking Back On Random Tinder Matches From The Holidays

You'd be surprised with who you could've matched with!

It never fails that you match with someone completely unexpected on Tinder over the holidays whether it’s in your hometown or somewhere you’re visiting. Who you’d never expect to find on Tinder is Santa! Santa’s supposed to be at the North Pole working tirelessly on ensuring the happiness surrounding Christmas. You might have thought that Mr. and Mrs. Claus had a seamless and healthy relationship in which case you would be wrong.How do I know this? Well, Santa and Ms. Claus were both found looking for new life partners on Tinder!

During the Christmas season if you swiped right on Santa or Ms. Claus you were entered to win a unique ugly Christmas sweater, courtesy of Tipsy Elves. The sweaters said "Swipe Right for Ms. Claus" or "Swipe Right for Santa.” So maybe it was actually Tipsy Elves that was behind all of this and Santa and Ms. Claus' relationship is just fine and they were in fact at the North Pole. It's hard to say, but one thing that is for sure is that Tipsy Elves gave us all a laugh this holiday season.

So who’s the trickster behind this? Tipsy Elves was founded by, fellow Trojan, Evan Mendelsohn and Nick Morton. They weren’t always looking to gift people with the best ugly holiday sweaters ever. Evan and Nick both started off in different career paths. Evan was a lawyer and Nick was a dentist. They eventually teamed up for Tipsy Elves and were featured on Shark Tank, where Robert Herjavec invested in the company. Even though the holidays are over, you’re still in luck! Tipsy Elves has some pretty awesome winter wear and patriotic wear for the winter Olympics.

Lesson of this story? Santa is watching everywhere, even when you’re on Tinder.





Cover Image Credit: Tipsy Elves

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