Look Back On Your Past As Lessons, Not Regrets

Look Back On Your Past As Lessons, Not Regrets

"Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made..."

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Every now and then, I like to look back on the events that I've gone through in the past years. Who I've dated, who I became friends with, who I stopped being friends with, the jobs I worked, the jobs I left, and more. When I speak to people of doing this, they usually give the same response:

"I don't do that because it usually fills me with regret."

But what is it that you regret?

Do you regret learning something new? Every time anything bad happens to me, after doing some brief moment of being upset, I like to think about what I learned from it. This time last year I left my ex-boyfriend. He was a childhood best friend and even though the relationship wasn't right for a number of reasons, I didn't/still don't regret dating him. The time we were together taught me what I really needed in a guy. It taught me not to jump into a relationship with someone just because I think I know them.

I've also distanced myself from quite a few of my friends. I got to a point in my life where, as much as I still cared for them, I was doing more harm than good being close with them. I found myself unable to be myself and unhappy. Those friends were great, we shared many laughs and many tears together and I would never wish anything bad on them.

I still to this day, wish nothing but the best for them. I hope they're fulfilling their dreams that they shared with me and if they aren't pursuing those anymore, I hope they found new ones. I don't regret being friends with them, they helped shape me into who I am today.

I've made a lot of "bad" decisions over the years. I can admit that they weren't my brightest or best moments, but I refuse to say I regret making them. I would never say "I wish I could go back in time and stop it from happening."

I'm at a point in my life where I'm genuinely happy. I'm with an amazing guy, who still has me swooning head over heels in love with him with every kiss. I've both decreased and increased my friend group, I've met people that I can stay up till 3 a.m. with and just laugh at nothing at all. I'm back to pursuing my degree, I have a full-time job doing something I love.

Without going through the dark times, I never could've gotten to where I am now.

Being ashamed of your past doesn't do anything but halt your future. You need accept the bad/not so great decisions you made, and realize that they shaped you into who you are today. And anything you're going through now, is helping shape you for your future tomorrow.

Don't regret the past because it wasn't "perfect."

Love your past because it was imperfect.

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To The Girl Who Mocked My Sorority

Sorority girls seem to be getting more and more backlash, but why?
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To The Girl Who Mocked My Sorority,

I buy my friends? Wow. First time I’ve ever gotten that, good one.

Do you feel better now? Was it all you hoped for?

I doubt it.

I’m not the “typical” sorority girl but I’ve also come to the realization that there isn’t a “typical” sorority girl. We are all different and believe it or not we are all just like you. The letters I wear on my chest don’t make me stupid. They don’t make me a bitch. They don’t make me spoiled. They don’t make me an alcoholic. They don’t make me fake. They don’t make me a slut. And they sure as heck don’t make me any better than you.

What my letters made me is better than I was before.

Some sorority stereotypes are inevitable. Yes, I love my Big. Yes, my Littles are my life. I’m guilty of being a master with a glue gun, and I’ll admit that new letter shirts make me giddy as a 5-year-old on Christmas morning.

But here’s what you don’t know — before I joined my sorority I couldn’t speak to a group of five people without turning red. Now I help run meetings in front of 45 women. Before, I would never have had the courage to go up to a group of girls and sit with them for lunch. Now I’m actually invited (crazy, I know). Before, I struggled with my grades. Now I have sisters in my major offering help. Before, my resume was empty. Now, it's full of leadership positions and community service hours. Before, I didn’t quite feel accepted. Now, I’m welcomed lovingly into an extremely diverse group. What’s so bad about all of that?

I get it. Sororities aren’t for everyone. I’ll even go as far to say that some of us sorority girls can be a little much. But what’s the point of dissing something that you don’t understand? Next time you’re about to make a cruel stereotypical joke, think about how you would feel if someone did that to you. Instead of making fun of sorority girls, sit down with one and find out why it’s so important to her.

Sincerely,

A Proud Sorority Girl

Cover Image Credit: Megan Jones

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If A Girl Is Too Drunk To Consent, That Is Rape, Not An Excuse For Men To Validate Their Actions

Sexual violence shouldn't be taken any less seriously just because alcohol was consumed.

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Sexual violence on college campuses is a prevalent issue. Most instances of sexual violence are done while either one or both of the individuals involved are intoxicated.

Let's be honest, all of us college students who drink, probably have had a day(s) or night(s) when we drink too much. Binge drinking is a college norm– even though it is dangerous, unhealthy, and an abuse of a substance– it is still a normalized activity within college culture.

However, just because drinking is a normalized deviant activity for a majority of college students, that doesn't mean the deviant behaviors done while intoxicated should be normalized too. Accepting responsibility for one's actions always needs to be done– whether it is sober or intoxicated.

When drinking, alcohol saturates your brain, impairing neurotransmitters and changing chemical reactions. This can influence us to act in ways we may or may not act when sober– however, there still have to be consequences for all of our actions.

For some reason though, when instances of sexual violence are reported– alcohol being involved is emphasized as an important variable that has a tendency to lessen the consequence of the interaction(s) against the perpetrator.

Whether it is questioning the validity of the reported interaction– or the reliability of the victim's statement– the fact that alcohol is involved plays a major role, when it really shouldn't.

Alcohol shouldn't be used as an excuse. Regardless of the individuals involved were intoxicated or not, unwanted advances– that requires a decision of: "Is this right or is this wrong?"– was made. The perpetrator chose to make that advance. Alcohol should never be an excuse for emotionally and/or physically harming someone else.

With that being said, it is never is okay to say that it is the victim's fault because they were "too this" or "too that". If a person of any identity is assaulted, harassed, stalked, or attacked, because they were drinking– it is the perpetrator's fault, not the victims.

I am so tired of listening to the news and hearing about the debate relating intoxication and the validity of actions committed while intoxicated.

If a person chooses to drive while intoxicated and is caught, they are given a DUI or OWI, and they have to deal with those consequences. Same should be the case if someone chooses to forcibly VIOLATE another human-being while drinking. Alcohol is still a variable in both situations, so what is the difference?

The fact is, when unwanted advances, harassment, assaults, or attacks are committed, there is harm done. This harm can create detrimental effects for the victim(s). These effects may follow he or she for the rest of their lives. It is unfair for the victim to have to live with the consequences, while the perpetrator may not have to, just because they were "too drunk" to know better.

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