The past few weeks have been a massive struggle for me mentally. I've checked out from a lot of what's going on in my life, whether it's friends or a leadership position. In class, I could hardly get myself to want to do any of the work I was assigned. I just wanted to crawl under my covers and hide until my last final. The desire to care about things that used to have such a predominance in my life just wasn't there anymore. It was far more than just the spring semester slump.
I wasn't addressing my mental health. I wasn't taking care of myself. I was letting my own stress and the stress of others affect me to the point where it almost got out of control. Taking a step back and speaking to people about it put the spotlight on what I had been so avidly ignoring. I was not OK, but with all that was going on, I wasn't going to bring it up. I'm not vocal about how I feel as much as I should be. I tend to keep how I feel inside and just deal with it, but this was growing too much to stay inside and simmer. I almost exploded, but I caught myself in time to really deal with all I was feeling.
In that time of high stress and anger, I took a step back and did my own thing. I didn't really talk to anyone. I just took a time out. I went to class, and back to my room, and then repeated the cycle for a couple of days until I was ready to see friends again. I found that solace is a great friend, and if I don't take that time for myself, these high amounts of stress will build to anger and resentment, and things could blow out of proportion when they don't need to.
You don't have to be OK 24-7, and ever since I came to realize that, I've felt so much better. Focus on yourself and do not get wrapped up in what's happening around you. You have to be the first person you think about waking up and going to sleep. Your mental health, especially when you're pushed to a level of stress you're not used to, is all the more important to focus on.
Do what makes your soul smile, not cry. Confide in people, or don't. Whatever works to make you feel better you have to do. Don't think you need to be happy go lucky all the time, it's OK to feel sad or mad. Feel whatever you want, and know it's OK. Whatever you're going through will pass, just as everything will with time. You matter most and don't feel pressured to be the one to hold it all together.