I was on the phone with my mom the other day, and she said to me- "I just don't care for how (_____) treats you. I think (______) talks to you as if you're stupid. I want (______) to know that you register how they're speaking to you.
I left the name out because there is more than one, and I believe that in some cases if you address who is behind petty, rude, and aggravating behavior that they'll continue and actually worsen.
So instead of addressing the person, I'd rather address why I feel the person chooses to react this way. This in turn makes me feel more confident in my decision to talk through the problem with myself, rather than give the person the satisfaction of knowing their rudeness achieved what it was intending to.
Being kind has gotten me several places. I've had good, solid, and purposeful relationships from my childhood to my now adulthood. I've made connections with certain people I know have the opportunity to get me far in life-whether that's from a job aspect or from a personal one. Every relationship I progress has its purpose, and every relationship I end has its as well.
I start out the same way with every person I encounter. I smile, I get to know them, I treat them with respect, and then how they choose to reciprocate the behavior falls upon them.
Most of the time, my awkward or not so good relationships are formed with people I've actually known for a good portion of my life. So your initial (and rather obvious) first thought would be-
Why were you not able to detect this side to someone when getting to really know them? Whether or not they would be a good person to have in your corner for the rest of your life?
Simple-some people move forward in life, while others progressively either:
A: Stay Still
B: Move backwards
It's the worst kind of falling out when the person you're falling out with, is one you actually saw yourself have a stronger foundation of friendship with. But at the end of the day, as humans, we live, breathe, eat, and sleep better knowing other people aren't doing more with their lives than we are.
If Shawn knows you've graduated from school, have your own place, own car, own solid relationship, and own job, and Shawn is doing nothing with their life to change their current outcome- one of two things will happen.
1.) Shawn will use you as motivation to get their life where they want it to be. Shawn knows lashing out at his family/friend will not move him in a more successful or happier direction. Shawn accepts and understands he is the problem-not the people around him, in turn making his journey to realizing what makes him happy-a much less stressful one.
Or 2.) (The more common one) Shawn will begin to resent his family/friend because they're doing something that Shawn really doesn't want to have to do (but wants the outcome of). Instead of working hard to get to a happier spot in his life, Shawn will make you (the friend or family) feel like you're less so that your mindset is in maybe not as bright of a place-like his own.
It's really nice to have people like 1 in your life because believe me-it makes it that much easier to identify good old number 2. I call them the soul suckers. The dream crashers. The life wreckers. The breakout on a clear face. The spaghetti stain on a brand new white shirt. In other words-they're just cucky.
Cucky freaking people.
And cucky freaking people don' deserve go getters like you!
So my main point in this article is not to bring to attention the shitty people in the world. We get that enough every day. It's actually to bring to MY OWN attention, why I react (or don't react) the way I choose to.
I choose to continue asking how my cousin's day is-even though she shows very little interest in my own. I don't do this with the intention of annoying her, but rather in hopes she'll see that her negative energy towards me, still cannot bring my mindset to as low of a place as hers. My goal in this is hopefully to push her and motivate her into changing her life enough that she's finally happy. She'll spend less time resenting me because I attempted to achieve my own happiness and more time focusing on her own.
I choose to only respond to a friend when she chooses to match the same level of positivity I give to her and nothing less. This isn't to scold her or make her feel alone, but it's to show her I deserve what I give to her too. She needs to figure that out on her own because telling someone you deserve something won't actually register until they accept that for themselves.
Have you ever spoken to someone that treats you COMPLETELY different than how they treat the next person they talk to? So much so that you wonder if you personally offended them in some way? You spend the rest of the day going over in your head the events that could've led this person to not liking you.
Keep this same person in mind.
Some days-do they like you? Other days, not so much?
Do you tend to really talk about just them, and rarely about yourself when having a conversation them?
At times, does it seem like you're always walking on eggshells around them?
I hate to tell you this, but…
You've got yourself a number 2.
Uh They're the WORST kind of people I know. They're truly life sucking, but they can be dealt with. Consider them like an unusual little wart. You panic about them for a while, not too sure if they can cause damage to your health. You try really understanding them-what they could be, what they could mean, how it'll affect you.
Until you find out that they're very similar to any other random little wart you've had-pointless and harmless.
You see they just look bad.
You can't stop being yourself because this wart makes an unwelcomed appearance. You can't feel bad about how IT tries to make you feel. You just have to remind yourself that it won't make you feel like this forever, and the annoyance it brings doesn't actually mean shit compared to all the great things you have going on in your life.
This wart wants to cling to you. It doesn't want to move because it's fine with staying in the same spot for the rest of its existence.
STOP LETTING THIS WART MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR IT NOT WANTING TO TAKE A DAMN HIKE.
STOP LETTING PEOPLE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR DOING SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE.
Let them be a wart, and freeze those f*ckers off!