Sometimes, life is overwhelming.
If you're anything like me, you're really good at overcommitting and overbooking yourself...something that brings you energy in the moment but only leaves you drained.
I'm learning what it means to step back and let go. I've always been someone who did too much. I was the kid in high school who participated in every event, every club, and was always there. The problem was my motives.
Too often, I joined things and participated in organizations to gain acceptance, value, and love. Subconsciously, I linked my worth with the amount of things I could balance. I told myself I was a good person because, "Woah. Look at all the things Claire is doing! Wow. She does a lot. She volunteers a lot. She serves a lot. She competes in a lot. She must be great! I'm so impressed."
Let me just tell you. It's not worth it. I found my worth in everything that I was doing as opposed to who Jesus says that I am. And when I got burnt out, everything crashed around me. When I became too weak to keep up with everything that I was involved in, my entire identity was in shambles. Who was I if I wasn't the girl who did everything? Who was I if I wasn't the one who cared for everybody else? Who was I if I didn't live up to my own expectations of myself?
Who was, rather, who am I? I am human.
But I'm learning I'm so much more than that because of who Jesus says I am. Because I am a follower of Christ, I have been redeemed, and chosen. I am loved.
(Here's a super great little list I found a few months back to remind me of my identity in Christ).
These past few months at school have taught me a lot about not being strong enough to carry myself on my own. While on the phone with a life-long friend of mine a few weeks back, he asked me, "Claire, what's Jesus been teaching you recently?"
I paused, and then responded...
"Well, ya know? I'm finally starting to realize that I can't do everything on my own. I need help, and to rely on others..."
He quickly responded (in the kindest way possible)... "Well, it's about time!"
You see? Someone who's known me for all of my life knows that letting people help me isn't necessarily my top strength. Apparently I'm not the greatest at relying on other people. I like to be independent...sort of. I like doing things by myself, with other people (which is a total paradox, but just hang with me for a second). I want people with me, but I want to do it all by myself.
A lot of things have happened within the past few months that have shown me that I wasn't meant to figure out life by myself. When I try to do everything by myself, I'm neglecting the Body of Christ. It's like I'm an eyeball trying to drive a car without the rest of the body...it just doesn't make sense.
Here's the beauty of the Cross, though. When life is too much to handle, when I overwhelm myself and don't live up to my own expectations, when I have a hard time letting people help me, Jesus graciously steps in and begins to show me just how sweet life is when I let others help me.
We weren't meant to live life on our own...and I'm finally starting to understand why. I'm nowhere close to fully getting this, but God is gracious and He is faithful to complete the good work He began in me.
May today be the day that we realize that we are fully enough because Jesus says we are. May we never forget that we are fully loved by the Father, and that we can approach the throne of grace with boldness and confidence because of His great love for us. God never intended for us to struggle through life alone. He's surrounded us with people who love us and care for us. May we learn to chose to trust and know that we're never alone.
I'm thankful for friends and a God who have consistently reminded me that, while I don't have it all together, that's okay. Jesus is bigger and better than all of my struggles and shortcomings. I have the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within me. I am unconditionally loved and made whole in the eyes of the Father.
May we choose to find rest in the grace of Christ today, and every day.
