When I was 18 and a freshman in college, I started talking to and dating the girl whom I thought I was going to marry one day. I had dated a few girls in high school, but none to this level. When we started dating, I had just started college and she was a senior in high school. What really got us together was that I was transferring to the college where she would be going.

Now just to be clear, this is in no way a slam to her. She was wonderful. This entire article is based on my choices and mine alone. I am the reason that I was in the shape I was.

When we first started dating, a few things changed from the get go. I went from making all of my focus on me to giving her the bulk of my attention. I started staying up late and talking to her. I would drive hours as often as I could to see her. She loved to skype and video chat a lot, so I did what any boyfriend did and would do my best to always video with her. I really didn’t like it but I did it for her.

After we transferred, we spent every day together. I would immediately leave class and go see her. I would always make it a point to try and eat with her. We were always with each other. She was everything to me and literally all of my attention was on her. I would not go home for weeks at a time; not because she asked me to, but because I knew she wanted to see me. Every decision I made was to do my best to make her happy.

Now I know what you are thinking, “that’s how you should be. Always try to make them happy.” I will agree to an extent. Just remember that we dated for 2.5 years. I was always doing my best to make her happy every single day. I grew into the rut of that is just how things are. The part of the quote that I think is left out is that you need to take care of you too.

To save the unpleasant details, we were separated most of last summer. She was working and I decided to take that summer off. All the while, I was doing my best to still make her happy. I was glued to my phone to talk to her. We skyped some. It was very similar to the start of our relationship, except that we had seen each other every day for the past 2+ years. That summer though, things changed. We broke up just a few weeks before school started back.

Now I was at a bit of a loss. This was something that was different from what I had known for the past 2.5 years. I am a strong guy. I can handle a break up. I didn’t go into an emotion breakdown or anything like that, but things were different knowing that I was, in a relationship context, alone now.

Once I got back to school, I really noticed the changes in my life. I found myself working out again. I was hanging out with friends most nights. I was cooking and prepping whatever I wanted for one. I was sleeping more. I was doing what I wanted to do. I must say that it was different, but I was happy.

If you have made it through the history of my love life, then you get to see the entire point behind this: Make sure that you focus on you and take care of yourself. Looking back, one of the mistakes I made was that I did not take care of myself, physically, mentally, or emotionally. It wasn’t because she made me that way. I loved her and she loved me. I just unintentionally made the choices to not care for myself.

Don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying that you should just disregard your significant other for yourself. In order for a relationship to work, compromise is 100 percent necessary. The key word is compromise. You need to still care for you. That is something that I didn’t learn till after everything was over. That is the point of relationships though. You need to learn things about yourself in each one. Whether you date 2 people or 20 before you meet the person you will spend the rest of your life with, always learn something to better yourself.

If I hadn’t learned this lesson, I am confident that, whether it was with her or another woman, my marriage would have some major issues. I now know that I need to focus on me also. I need to always keep working to better myself. Another way that I look at it is that I need to take care of myself so I am always my best self for my future spouse. If I keep draining myself and get into bad places, how on earth is that good for her and to her?

I did not write this to embarrass anyone or to make you feel sorry for me. I am happy. I am in a good place in my life and I hope she is too. I just don’t want you to make the same mistake I made. Whether you are the boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, husband, or wife, do not forget to take care of you and focus on you sometimes. I promise you that you will be a better person for you, and you will be a better person for them.

C.Long