Maybe you’ve seen the movie featuring Julia Roberts and Javier Bardem. Maybe you’ve read the book – or its equally concerning sequel. Or maybe you’ve heard that its author, lifestyle guru Elizabeth Gilbert, has recently left her husband in pursuit of a relationship with a longtime friend. Yes, I’m talking about "Eat, Pray, Love," and in bitter, jaded, 20-year-old fashion, I’m going to explain to you why it’s a load of nonsense, and probably more useful as fuel for your fireplace than as nourishment to your soul.

(Disclaimer: I’m not discounting Ms. Gilbert’s experiences. Everyone has their own path, and blah, blah, blah. I’m merely disputing the premise that her One True Way is the best, or even among the most viable Ways to proceed through life.)

I’ve covered some of this territory in a scathing Goodreads review, but it never hurts to walk back over it. So let’s begin. "Eat, Pray, Love" happens because Elizabeth (can we call her Liz? Let’s do that. It’s shorter.) is unhappy in her marriage. Also, she doesn’t want kids. Also, she doesn’t know how to be single and may be the teeny, tiniest bit depressed. (The “talking myself out of self-harm” scene still grates on me every time I think about it). All this doesn’t sound to me like the premise for a bestselling book. It sounds like the premise for a mid-life crisis. Lucky for Liz, being a white woman with money to burn opens a lot of doors, and in an effort to make herself happy, she blows up her marriage and takes off on a whirlwind tour of Italy, India, and Indonesia to find herself.

Sounds great. I’d love to take off on a whirlwind tour of the globe every time life deals me a hand I don’t like. And yet, like most people who suffer from depression and the myriad problems that can derail a person, I don’t get to leave my mundane life behind to find my truth. I have to find my truth right here, right now, exactly where I am, with the tools I have at my disposal. And that’s most people’s story. Liz, however, has managed to convince the rest of the world that the only way to escape this sort of unhappiness is to quite literally run away from it. And when you’ve got enough people telling you that you need a drastic change to fix yourself, you start believing it.

Don’t believe it. There’s more power in learning how to live with who and where you are than there is in leaving it all behind. Depression, anxiety, general unhappiness – none of these can be solved by ignoring the problem. In fact, ignoring the problem makes it worse. Be brutally honest with yourself and realize that the things that torment you aren’t necessarily tied to a person or a place. They’re coming from within, and no amount of Italian food, meditation, or romantic trysts with foreign men in exotic places will take them away. The real strength is in finding steadiness in your everyday life, and figuring out that you are strong enough to hold your own. There are no special ceremonies, once-in-a-lifetime trips, or shortcuts. There’s just you, and the people who love you, and maybe some therapy and maybe some medication and maybe a new hobby or three, and your own will.

I feel like that last bit is the one that Liz consistently forgets. “Your own will.” Liz doesn’t think that’s enough. Liz needs God, or a guru, or Richard from Texas. We don’t need any of those things. We need ourselves. We need to be our own God. Instead of cowering from life, we should face it like a T-Rex, forgetting that we have toothpick arms and not substantial brainpower. Dinosaurs don’t care about what other people tell them. Dinosaurs do what they want, when they want, and they don’t let some moron with a One True Way stop them from getting what they want. Don’t be your own God. Be your own T-Rex. I’m a velociraptor, personally.

One of my favorite poems, one I think about when things aren’t easy, is "Invictus" by William Ernest Henly. It’s not the famous last stanza. It’s this one line. I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. There’s something to be said for that, for looking at the things that upset you and frighten you and thinking, “Go to hell.” We all have things to do and people to meet and places to go. Who needs a trip around the world when you can find yourself right here at home?