We’ve all been there. We thought we found the one; the person who would make all our dreams come true. Then they dump you like a rotted Halloween pumpkin. It can be a stressful time with many hurt feelings; and if it happens to your friend it can feel like a lot of responsibility to make sure they are okay. Here are a few things to avoid when your friend breaks up with her significant other. (I’m using a girl/boy relationship, but any genders apply.)

Don’t Start the Ex-Bashing Right Away

Sure it seems like a good idea; this loser broke her heart and it’s time to put him down. It’s very possible you may have never liked him anyway, so you’re glad he’s officially gone. But the day after is not always the time. Try to remember that just yesterday, this was someone she loved very much and she was envisioning her life with. The situation is still raw, and she still has feelings for him. He probably had some good qualities that she misses, and talking bad about him will either upset her, or she may feel obligated to defend him. Let her talk it out and wait for her to start talking about his flaws. In a few days or weeks, she will be right there with you, and the glorious ex-bashing may begin.

Don’t Be Offended if She Doesn’t Want to Talk to You

This idea can be hard to handle if you are close friends. How could she not want to talk to you? Her bestie, her person, her partner in crime? Well, it is possible. Think of it this way: she told you all the personal stuff in the relationship, she bragged about him to you, she fawned over him to you. It’s possible she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to approach you with her tail between her legs. She also may not be in the mood to talk to anyone. She has a lot to process through, and people handle this in different ways. She may be crying so much that she wouldn’t be able to talk anyway. This is not about you; this is about her. If you are concerned, shoot her a text saying you’re thinking about her and you’ll be waiting when she’s ready.

Don’t Ghost on Her in Her Hour of Need

Trust me I get it; emotional stuff can be uncomfortable. You may cringe at the idea of having to coach someone through a breakup. She needs you, though. If talking is not your strong point, be her shoulder to cry on. You’re her friend, and she just needs your support. Understandably, you may be busy. But instead of saying you can’t talk, tell her when you are free and schedule some one-on-one time. If you aren’t good with words, do other things to get her through it. Maybe make her a breakup playlist, or bring her a care package of her favorite things.

Don’t Say “I Told You So”

This is pretty self-explanatory. She’s in pain, she’s aware the relationship didn’t work. She does not need to be reminded that you saw this coming from the beginning. Just don’t do it; it’s not helpful in any way.

Her Break Up is Not the Time to Make Your Move

This is more for guy friends. Now I know that not all guys are like this, and most of you don’t have secret feelings for your friends. But just in case you thought this was a great opportunity to finally express the way you feel; don’t. She is extremely vulnerable right now, and she has just been through something horrible. Be courteous of her feelings and try to understand that this will just add more drama into her life. Do not take advantage of her low self-esteem; instead, push her up, support her, and acknowledge that she may want to be single for a while. She has come to you at this time because she trusts you, and using this opportunity to hit on her is a betrayal of that trust.

These are just a few suggestions of things to avoid when your friend goes through a breakup. In the end, use your instincts and best judgment to make sure that she is doing OK. After all, you are her friend for a reason. Good luck everyone!