“You should have done something about it. It’s your fault because you didn’t say no.” Instantly, the tears rolled out of my puffy eyes and down my red cheeks it hit me at this exact moment; I was to blame. Years have past but constantly I hear this voice of aggression in my head. I see the face of an angry camp worker realizing how much commotion I started within the camp. I hear the phones ringing non-stop, calls from parents demanding to speak with the director - all this drama I created because I finally built up the courage to tell someone. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

It might have been in 2014, but only a couple of months ago did I find out the truth about how everything unfolded. I was told I broke down crying in the elevator out of nowhere as my friends and I were walking back to our hotel rooms. All this time, I thought I came off the bus as regular happy go lucky me, taking the stairs up to my room, believing everything was peaceful in “Erica Land.” I later recognized my brain had the power to create a scene that was not real, but comforting. This was the only reality I knew. I couldn't level with the fact my memory repressed the aftermath. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Victim blaming is a serious issue nowadays.

You might ask what is victim blaming? It’s okay to ask questions. Victim blaming is when the victim feels responsible for a terrible act. It’s better to be informed than to feel “stupid” for asking. You never know when a relative, a friend, or someone you know will need you. As for my friends, they weren’t aware of why I was crying in the elevator, but after I told them, they advised me to “... tell someone with authority and know none of this is your fault.”

Finally, when I pulled myself together, my friend and I sought out someone we trusted, however, this did not turn out to be the case. “You should have stood up and moved, or done something about it,” she said. I couldn't find the words to defend myself; to say I froze and I couldn’t comprehend what just happened.

I felt like a “deer in headlights,” paralyzed, like someone took my voice away. My dignity was torn out from my body. There was nothing I could do, except to listen and to accept everything being said to me. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

If there is one thing you take away from this article I want it to be this: If you do not say “no” or do anything and the other person didn’t ask for your consent, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. I know it is easier said than done. I am not going to lie to you and say I never blamed myself. To this day I still do, but each day the feeling of being held accountable becomes less and less. Having a great support system, helped me realize I did nothing wrong and I need to stop thinking of what one person said to me, “You should have done something about it. It’s your fault because you didn’t say no.” IT IS NOT OUR FAULT.