"It's like I'm bubblegum. As soon as I lose flavor, they spit me out." - Me
I was lying in bed — window open, birds chirping, candle burning on my bedside table - when something dawned on me. I'm addicted to being used.
I repeat: I'm addicted to being used.
I love to feel important. I enjoy the rush, the tingling of my skin when I know I've made someone smile or provided comforting words to a friend in need. I hungrily feed off of others' praise and acknowledgment. I am the ultimate people-pleaser. It's my Achilles' heel. I allow myself to be used for attention, for reassurance and ego-boosting. I am the ugly that walks alongside those who want to appear more beautiful. And I accept it. I choose it.
The first step is to admit you have a problem, right? So here it is: I have a problem.
Our generation simultaneously spreads positivity to others while tearing ourselves down. Side note: nearly everyone I disclose my depression to has admitted they have it themselves. That's not okay. Neither is allowing ourselves to be used.
We aren't tissues or sticky boobs or pads. We shouldn't accept being thrown away after we've served our purpose to others. Don't offer yourself up to someone who will take advantage of you. We should not be taken for granted. I've been tired for so long, tired of unrequited love, tired of a silent phone. If they don't care about you as much as you do them, then it's time to reevaluate. Here’s how.
Don’t Text Them First
If there’s one way to test if you’re truly important to someone, it’s to go radio-silent. Wait for them to text; if they do, then it’s a mutual, balanced friendship. If they never do or end up asking in person why they hadn’t heard from you, they’re expecting you to do all of the work. Sure, sometimes people get busy, but if they can’t send a quick “Hey, been busy, how are you??” text, then they don’t care as much as you want them to.
Don’t Make Yourself Available At The Drop Of A Hat
There are always exceptions to this: if you have a close friend who clearly cares about you and they are in a crisis, grab some ice cream and drive (within the speed limit) to their house, even if it’s 11 pm and you’re in your PJs. BUT if someone who is always busy or never responds when you ask them to hang out comes calling, expecting you to be free, then give it a hard think. If they know you’re always available, they may start taking advantage of that fact. Remember, you’re not a toy; you don’t just sit on a shelf waiting to be played with. You have your own life.
And Don’t, Under Any Circumstances, Let Them Make You Feel Small
I’ve laid in my bed crying myself to sleep before because I’ve allowed myself to be used. I’ve given people what they wanted and then they’ve bolted. And I’ve let them make me feel like I deserved it. But I didn’t. I don’t.
No one should sit idly and wait for someone else. Move at your own speed. Glide along your own moving walkway. Just don’t belittle yourself or lessen your value to fit the needs of others, because they won’t always be willing to do the same for you. This isn’t to create skepticism in your relationships: if you feel respected and loved, then you have nothing to worry about. If, however, you find yourself wondering when you’ll hear from someone or feel like you can’t talk to them about your own issues, you may be bubblegum.
Don't be bubblegum.