I miss you more than anything. I wish I could see your face, hear your voice, feel your presence in a room, or just smell the scent that cannot be explained but somehow perfectly sums up you as a person. I'd do anything to have one more conversation with you.
I wish I could go over to your house one more time and just sit on the couch and talk to you about nothing for hours. Something that didn't mean much when it happened, but would mean the world to me now. I yearn for trips with you and the car rides that came along with our random adventures. It's crazy how much I long for the days that were ordinary just a while ago.
I think about you all the time. I think about how you understood me and listened to everything I had to say, even when I'm sure you were tired of hearing me talk. I think about the things you said to me while you were alive; they have so much meaning now. More than anything, I wonder if you'd be proud of the person I am today. Would you be okay with my decisions, or be upset with my choices? Would you think that the people I surround myself with are good for me, or would you tell me I deserve better? Would you be able to tell I'm doing okay, or know that I'm still hurting?
The hardest part about losing you without warning is the weight of knowing I never got to say goodbye. I've thought about different scenarios, over many sleepless nights, of how different the last time I saw you would've been if I knew it was really going to be the last time I saw you...alive.
I would've said so many things to you. I would've told you how much you truly mean to me, and how much of a blessing your presence is. I would've told you I love you, something I should've done way more than I ever did. And after all of that, I would've hugged you because your embrace is like no one else's, and it pains me every time I think about how I can never have another.
I never appreciated you as I should have. I took you for granted in so many ways. I didn't spend enough time with you. You were one of the most amazing, influential people I've ever been blessed to cross paths within my lifetime. I just wish it could've been for longer.
I know you're watching me from above, rooting for me in everything that I do, just like you did while you were here. Knowing that you're up there gets me through some of my hardest days. Until I see you up there, I love you, and I cannot wait to see you again.