I remember my high school experience vividly. I joined most clubs, even started one or two of my own. I was active in multiple communities and honors programs. While most things I chose to do, I did because I enjoyed them, but I still remember everyone in the back of my mind saying:

"Do you think you can get into college?"

To say I didn't take high school seriously would be one of the biggest lies of my life. From student council to the school musical, I had my feet wet in all ends of the spectrum. I still remember crying and having minor anxiety attacks because of the pressure we were under. We were all racing for a chance of success and to us, the only chance of success was college. Constantly, we were driven and reminded that everything we did in high school would determine our whole lives. Is that really true?

“What happened to our system is, we became brand-obsessed. We became convinced, or at least parents did, that if their kids didn’t get into the right colleges, they wouldn’t have as bright futures, they wouldn’t make as much money" said Frank Bruni, author of Where You Go is Not Who You Will Be. This mentality was very vibrant even in my relativity small town. Many parents and adults I met would snub those nose at those of us who were only intending to go to state schools post graduate. The really smart kids were the ones who went to an ivy league or across the country in general.

"It has driven [students] mad in high school. You see rates of depression and medication that I think we didn’t see before. It’s also taught them a very curious set of values. We’re telling them that getting into the door of something, that kind of breaching the inner sanctum is the most important thing", Bruni continues.

A common phrase at my high school amongst the students was "I don't care if I learned, I care if I passed." While we said this as jokes to get us through weeks with three tests and four essays, a lot of it is true. We didn't read the books, we read summaries. We studied the night before a test then forgot the information once our pencil left the paper. By my sophomore year I was looking at colleges, my junior year I narrowed down nine to apply to and my senior year was application season.

We were never asked the question "what do you want to do?" but "where do you want to go?" As Bruni mentioned, it was all about the brand. Nobody asked me "What do you want to study?" it was "Where do you think you'll go?" Studying nuclear engineering at a local state school would almost be discredited compared to a business administration degree from Columbia.

We, as a society, have lost the purpose of school. To get an education.

Not to get a diploma.
Not to get a job.

When I am sitting in a classroom, high school or college, my ultimate goal should be centered around learning the material. Even in college, we are worried about life after this. As if this was a necessary and overpriced stepping stone and not an incredible opportunity, no matter where we ended up.

I am studying English. While studying English wasn't the easiest decision for me, it's how I chose to spend my money and my time. The amount of people who have talked down to me for studying something I am passionate about and sure I will make a career out of, is sickening. People who were very close to me judged me and criticized me for my choices, claiming I made a horrible mistake and encouraged me to go a different direction. The direction was always in favor of a college brand name or a fancier diploma title.

All and all, we are killing our kids by demanding them to be driven for a life they don't know they want yet. College is the time to figure yourself out as an individual. We shouldn't criticize students who aren't ready to rush into a university right away or aren't sure what they want to do. Who said that high school was the time in your life that made or broke your potential?

When I was rejected from my first college, it was devastating. I felt stupid. I felt like I was never going to make anything of myself because I have been brainwashed by a society that made me believe where I went to college was one of the biggest choices of my life.

If I could speak to my high school self, I would have told myself to take a breath. I ended up in a major I didn't know existed, in a school I never thought I would go to and becoming the person I never knew I could be.

High school is not the best years of your life and it's not the most important, either.

College is a choice and a privilege. Whether you jump the gun and plunge into a university, take a gap year, enroll in a community college or a trade school, what matters is that you are living a life of happiness.

It's time to ask yourself, is it worth pushing your kids to insanity for a chance at success?