We live in a society where there is a constant power struggle between people. Today, you are to follow what is "trendy." You are to keep your Instagram updated with intriguing photos that edit out your imperfections. You are to lose yourself in the competition that is life nowadays. Regardless of individual circumstances, we have been placed in the position where we are encouraged to be our best selves and share that part of us with the world. We are expected to be competitive, though we are not expected to blatantly display it. We are constantly comparing ourselves to other people and other situations, and we work to better ourselves so that we may impress those we admire, with the hopes of either outdoing them or becoming them.
With that being said, I could only remember a select handful of times in which I worked my hardest to be my best self for myself. Instead, I became too fixated on the idea of my longing for self-improvement at the hands of other people - friends I admired, men I dated, and the occasional parental approval. For years, I believed that if I worked my hardest to do what would make me more appealing to the people who's opinions I valued, it would be the end of my competitive nature because everyone would be happy. It was not until recently I realized that the only person who was unhappy was me.
After countless memories of biting my tongue for the sake of saving relationships, I have come to see that they have all resulted in the same ugly endings. After years of simply not addressing issues for the purpose of preserving friendships, I now know that there is not a specific end to such a situation. In essence, I have simply outgrown all that I cannot change. For the first time in my life, I no longer feel as though I have to work hard to gain affection or companionship from others. I do not feel bound by the ties of society to direct my goals for self-improvement toward a particular person anymore. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
I am not naive to the fact that the idea of societal competition does affect every person differently, depending on the stage one is at in their life. Yet, I can speak to the fact that you will never gain the opportunity to find yourself if you do not reevaluate your intentions. Instead of "doing you" for the sake of someone else, start "doing you" for you. As we are told to expect the unexpected, you will never truly know when a person is going to remove themselves from your life and walk away. Instead of dedicating all of your time and efforts into improving yourself for that person, improve yourself in the ways that will make you feel your best.
At the end of the day, we are forced to be able to rely on ourselves. Yet, if you don't know yourself because you've fallen victim to the competitive circle that is life, you will be unable to maintain the strength and dignity that lies within you, but is too afraid to make its way to the forefront. Do you, for you. Find yourself.