It's the million dollar question: Where do we go when we die?

I'm not a religious person, I was raised Irish Catholic. I was baptized, had my first communion, but I never really went to church. I would always space out during masses; I didn't grasp a lot of the stories and didn't really understand them.

The first real death I experienced was my grandfather, I was ten years old. He died at home comfortably, in a warm bed, with our dog by his side. When I saw his body he just looked like he was sleeping. My mom and I were convinced that my grandmother came and got him. She had died twenty two years before; the exact same day. He died Tuesday, July 25th 2000 and she died Tuesday, July 25th 1978. That was first time I believed that we all go somewhere when we die. It wasn't just a coincidence that my grandfather died the same day his wife died. He was ready to go, he was ready to be with her and I knew he was in his paradise and that was with her.

I started to believe in God, how he had a plan for everyone, how he had a positive plan. It was like He made my grandfather's death somewhat beautiful because we knew he was reunited with his love. I started to wear crosses, was already planning a cross tattoo; I wanted to go to church. My view on that changed when my twenty one year old cousin died from a car crash. He was like my older brother, and I didn't understand why God took him away at twenty one. He took him away from an entire family. God took a child away from their parents. Where is the reason behind that? Where is the plan in that? My faith started to dwindle after that, it was hard for me to believe that a higher power, someone that millions of people worshiped, would take away wonderful human beings. Why did he take my mother? To watch the excruciating, exhausting and painful years we all had to go through without her?

I consider myself spiritual, but I don't consider myself someone who believes in a God. When I tell someone, "thank god" or "I hope to God" whoever he or she is, it doesn't mean that I'm praying to a certain higher power. I respect individuals who have their faith and their beliefs, if it makes you feel good, then you have every right. I know we were all created by something; why else would we be here? I believe in Angels and Demons. I believe that everyone could have a demon stuck inside them, I know I do. Demons don't have to be the ones like in the movies that you can see immediately possess the innocent soul. Demons can be in someone living or dead, if you look at it in that perspective.There is a ton of evil in this world, and there is a ton of good.

I choose not to believe in a God because this so called "God" has taken a lot away from me. I have faith in a lot of things, but unfortunately it's not that. I have faith that we all go somewhere when we die. I don't think we just die and that's it. You're supposed to see your life flash before your eyes right? What if when that happens, your mind replays this one happy memory that you have over and over again that involved a loved one or even a favorite place. I believe that when we die, we go to what we call our paradise. I always say "Rest in Paradise" because when I think "Rest In Peace" the spiritual side of me can tell when someone isn't at peace when they die. A lot of the time, souls don't even know they're dead.

Our paradise is somewhere warm, and beautiful. A place where we feel loved and safe. A place that is our forever home. I've seen way too many things in my life after someone dies to believe that that's it. And if there is a God; you better clear your schedule buddy, because you have a very unsatisfied customer.