I Was Never Given An Example Of A Healthy Relationship, And Now I Have A Distorted View Of Love

I Was Never Given An Example Of A Healthy Relationship, And Now I Have A Distorted View Of Love

How am I supposed to know how a relationship works?
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Growing up, I never had a good example of what love was. My parents had an incredibly rocky marriage and it made it really hard for me to understand how a relationship is supposed to function. Thus, as a child, I turned to movies and T.V. shows to show me what love was supposed to look like.

I came up with this ideal version of what a relationship was supposed to be in my head and I considered that version perfect. My vision included getting surprised with gifts every week and being given flowers on every date. I thought it meant romantic dinners every other Saturday and never having to be away from your partner for too long. I thought it meant my partner understanding every aspect of who I am and me being able to easily empathize with them.

I thought the right relationship was ideal and problem free.

I know I sound like one of those overly romantic girls right now, but when you grow up watching two people like my parents act towards each other, it really confuses you on what love is and how it is displayed between two people. For me, watching the couples in movies have their happily ever after made me feel like there was some hope left for love in this world.

As I got older, my version of what a relationship is definitely became more realistic, but a small part of me held onto the version I came up with when I was a little kid. And by held, I mean still holds on to.

Recently, I have come to an understanding with myself that I hold unusually high expectations within my current relationship. It sucks because I know exactly why I think the way I do but have no idea how to stop myself from having these expectations. On an even more personal note, it sucks that I have to deal with the repercussions of my parent’s relationship with my own even though I’m now 20 years old and a sophomore in college.

I guess I write to show that I know deep down inside I have a lot of unresolved feelings toward not only my parents but the effect that their relationship has had on me. I am well aware that those feelings will take time, maybe years, to work through because childhood trauma is not something that can be overcome with a couple therapy sessions. However, I am committed to not allowing some of the things that I have gone through in my past to affect the wonderful relationship I have now.

It’s really hard for me to write about this because it acknowledges the fact that I am coping with the events of my past; these events which I so deeply want to shove in a corner of my life and never look back on. However, I know that is not healthy and won’t help me or my relationship in the long run.

I guess I am writing this article mostly for myself, but I hope that if you are reading this and you too have things from your past that are potentially unresolved, that you take the time to do some soul searching. Growing from your past is never an easy thing to do, but hopefully it will provide you with some clarity in your life. At least for right now, a little clarity is what I am looking for.

Cover Image Credit: FairUseImages

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Sorry, not sorry.

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There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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I Ended Up In A Family Group Chat...With All Of My Roommates

It was probably one of the most unexpected things that happened to me.

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