It’s late at night. You’ve been hopelessly drifting for a few hours now in the passenger seat of your friend’s car. Classic rock radio got old ten years ago and Justin Bieber’s three good songs can’t suffice tonight. You have no idea what to do. You question your decisions and you begin to question your friendship. Your friend begins to say something and you begin to shrug.
“You wanna go to the diner?”
You look at the clock and see that it is nearing midnight – the peak diner time. You happily nod and begin to understand why you’ve been friends since pre-school. You’ll be at the embassy diner in T-minus five.
As someone who grew up on Long Island, I found there never really was a lot to do in Nassau County, other than aimlessly drift or go to the diner at an odd, unimaginable hour. And honestly there is nothing better than a late-night diner excursion. Now you might ask…
“What the hell is so different about the diner after roughly 11:00 pm?”
Well here’s a short listed explanation I was able to come up after about nineteen years of uninterrupted focused research (I do have a free time)....
1. The Atmosphere
Newton’s laws of motion explicitly state that everything is immediately funnier once you walk into a public establishment such as a diner. A diner just gives off such a friendly and fun atmosphere that even the most basic action your friend does can become hilarious. Also, laughing like rabid hyenas is not frowned upon at this time of night because no one truly cares about anything.
2. The Staff
This is the perfect opportunity to get to know the maître d and the staff of waiters and waitresses. However, you must not break a cardinal rule of everyday life: don’t be a dick. It’s good to have fun and milk the opportunity to eat late at night without having to make some weird egg-concoction in your friend’s kitchen. But treat the staff with respect! This is an opportunity for you to learn each other’s names and make some polite small-talk. It’s nice to have a friend everywhere you go.
3. The Food And Service
Luckily, by this time of night the assembly line of yuppie families and screaming kids have cleared out hours ago. This is the time where the “squads” come through to the diner for some good eats. Luckily since the dreaded assembly line of kicking and screaming is gone, the cooks and waiters/waitresses actually have some breathing room. The food will be magnificent and the vibes will be very good indeed.
Diners are an American treasure and we must preserve them. This might not be a big deal to you, but it is to me. In an age where digital life is slowly taking away so many great establishments (R.I.P. Blockbuster) we must learn to preserve establishments as authentic as the local diner. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to get some fried mushrooms at 12:30 with some bros at the local diner.