I’m a picky eater and this isn’t a secret. All of my friends and family understand that I have the underdeveloped taste buds of a 3-year-old child. I can’t drink black coffee, I don’t eat dark chocolate, and you can’t convince me that mushrooms have anything other than a deplorable texture.
There are only a handful of basic things that I will eat without complaint, and because of this, I’ve developed a few eating habits that drive my friends absolutely bananas. As I was running this article by them to help me come up with ideas, they were not at a loss for what I should write about. They screamed in disgust and rage as they told me!
Here are a few things I do that threaten my relationships on a daily basis:
1. Make strange soda combinations.
Comparatively, this is not the weirdest thing that I do, but the concoctions that I make are not always very intuitive. While I'll most often make a sparkling lemonade with some Tropicana and lemon-lime soda, I’ll sometimes go out of my way to try unusual flavor combinations. My biggest hit so far has been Dr. Pepper and orange soda. If you close both eyes and hit yourself in the temple, it tastes like an orange creamsicle.
2. Eat fries over rice.
Before you start judging me, this is prime comfort food. I didn’t eat meat until I was about twelve years old, so finding something for me to eat at any restaurant was a real challenge. A teriyaki place by my house happened to serve french fries as a side, so every time we went, I got a side of fries and a side of rice, and I’d eat them together. Putting some fries over a mound of sticky rice and mixing them makes a delicious meal that reminds me of a more innocent time. "The Frankenstein’s" creation that you see is my favorite way to unwind after a long day.
3. Mutilate grilled cheese sandwiches.
In my defense, the grilled cheese sandwiches in the dining hall aren’t very good. The bread to cheese ratio is too big, the crust is never crispy enough, and the bread they use is always way too saturated with butter. I usually end up tearing off the crust and peeling one of the bread slices off of the cheese, and then I wrap the remaining slice in half and eat it that way. It’s a messy job, but it makes the sandwich more edible. None of my friends are convinced... but I know it’s true.
4. Make napkin and water soup.
I… have no justification for this one.
Sometimes when I eat soup from the dining hall, I’ll throw my leftover napkins into the empty bowl, for space efficiency. Then I get bored and start pouring my leftover water into the bowl, too. Then I start mixing the napkins and water together absently while I listen to my friends talk. Then I take the salt shaker, since it’s there, and I salt the mess I’ve made and keep stirring. Then my friends notice, so I pretend to eat some to freak them out.
… I really am three years old.
5. Bite right into a KitKat bar.
Nothing gets me more of a negative response than unwrapping a KitKat and biting down into it before breaking it into pieces. The chorus of horrified cries that rises up among my friends is nothing short of euphoric. They urge me not to, but I continue, and I laugh in the face of their discomfort. Am I monster for taunting with them? For playing with their emotions like the devil might play a fiddle? Perhaps I am, but I regret absolutely nothing.