This week has been hellish for me as for most of the students at USC. (#midtermszn #fighton!)

All those late nights and multiple coffee runs and grumbling stomachs should lead to stellar grades and triumph. I mean, you get what you put in right? Wrong. Always wrong.

Why do you fail? Why do I fail? Why does anyone fail? A stereotypical, celebrity therapist with a degree in psychology with a focus in bullshit will probably say it's because we learn from our failures. They're not technically wrong, but I think there's something else.

The fear of failure and failure itself exists, obviously, but no one really talks about its lingering presence after a while. No one really points out the disappointment, the migraines, the frustration. It's more than just sadness. It's more than the teardrops on your notes and not guitars. There's always the Dominoes of Depression (a domino effect with a dash of darkness).

That mental spiral that so many of us go through and the little black cloud/devil on the shoulder will always follow us around. And I think that's what people don't realize. They don't realize that even at their best or at their happiest, this little cloud is still there. It follows you around and if you let it, it gets bigger and bigger until eventually, it's hurricane Michael 2.0. (But only if you let it. That's the secret).

Side note: this hurricane is completely invisible and no one else will be affected by it except you.

And this is why we have Mental Health Awareness Day! A day where we can not only acknowledge the existence of our little cloud friend but also talk about it, accept it and try to understand it. In this way, we get to see different perspectives about our lives and situations and eventually, we'll see our own versions of silver linings and personally grow. It's kind of seeing the Yin and Yang ideology in our own self and how you're not perfect and that's okay. The weird grey area between your versions of good and bad is also the weird time period called puberty but also the time to reorganize and develop a sense of self. So puberty minus the acne and braces. (Spoiler alert: no one in their early twenties have achieved this, so if it's hard, don't worry). You got this.

Good luck and Fight On!

PS: I added a random little poem I wrote about my take on Mental Health Awareness Day. :)

It's funny, they say it's Mental Health Awareness Day

Yet you only found out a week later,

When you're too busy with your essay,

You slightly forget the incubator

Of distressing thoughts and the dimming of bright spots

In your mind.

They say it's Mental Health Awareness Day,

But I had two midterms and a paper due yesterday

They say it's Mental Health Awareness Day,

Should I drop out or should I stay?

They say it's Mental Health Awareness Day,

Oh but here I lay, drifting further and further away!