Detachment Is Key
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Detachment Is Key

There's really no other way. (Unless you know of one then pls let me know.)

Detachment Is Key

To take a quick pause from the larger, more pressing issues going on (Black Lives Matter, stop reading if you disagree), I would like to share a quick, sad, "love" story that will end with advice on how to mend a broken heart. At the beginning of the year, I fell for a guy...or at least I thought I did. And when I say "fell" I mean the face planted, punched in the gut, lost my breath, can't stop thinking about you kinda fell. Basically, I thought I was in love. To be fair, it really felt like one of those soulmate things to me. Mind you this was of no credit to him, he didn't really do much except for listen to me for a night and Uber me home but for some reason I let myself believe he was my knight and shining armor who was gonna whisk me away and love me the way I and everybody else deserves to be loved, unconditionally. What ended up happening was I was gradually and continuously ignored for weeks until I was full on ghosted and have remained ignored to this day. It's been about 6 months. And let me just say getting over someone you never really had is a pretty shitty fucking feeling. However, I am glad it happened because of the lessons and experiences I got to feel along the way. Before I fell for this guy, I had only been in two other major relationships. They were both long term and both before college so I had never fallen for someone I hadn't known for a decent amount of time. Because of this I never got to learn any major life changing lessons about who I was and how I love. I'm not gonna go into detail about the lessons I learned and the experiences I've had over the past six months, but I will say this: they never tell you how shitty it feels to have time be the only thing that heals all wounds. Time is so fucking long and it doesn't speed up for anybody. You are never gonna forget about someone you felt for (like I had hoped) and they rarely magically make things all better. Only you can do that. One of the best things you can do for yourself is accept the role you played in a relationship and think about how you can do better and differently for the next person who is lucky enough to be loved by you. Staying mad at someone for not being who you wanted them to be is not only selfish, but also dangerous and harmful to your mental health. When you fixate on how much you think somebody else sucks, you're taking time away from making yourself feel and be more awesome than you were. And when you convince yourself to wait for them to "come back around" you're taking time away from being with the guy who hates to keep you waiting. It sucks not getting closure and it sucks feeling like you didn't matter enough to get it but it sucks even more letting yourself wallow instead of moving forward and seeing the countless opportunities that are right in front of your face. There's never gonna be a guy who will "save" you if you don't know how to save yourself. There's never gonna be a guy who can love you if you don't know how to love yourself. And there's never gonna be a guy who can "heal" you if you haven't healed yourself. My point is guys will come and go and you could get hurt in the process, but if you never get hurt you'll never understand how good it feels to come back twice as strong. If you wanna be REALLY attractive, heal and do so with people who have always seen the beauty in you even when you couldn't. Life will always throw you curveballs, (sometimes it will throw it directly into your face) but focus on building a life full of people who are gonna be there to help you heal your wounds and celebrate with you after they are gone. It also doesn't hurt having a cute boy or two to think about when times inevitably get tough. To tie it all up, getting your heart broken sucks but with a fresh perspective, a forgiving heart, and understanding friends and family in 3-6 months, girl you'll be fine. :)

Signed: A Formerly Fantastical Lover

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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