Poetry On Odyssey: In A Moment

Poetry On Odyssey: In A Moment

Have you ever drove past a car crash site and wondered who the victims were as people?
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Sirens wailed

Time seemed to have slowed

I wondered

As I peeked out the car window

A woman cried

A man, so angry

A child feared

Me, a passerby


I looked on with curiosity

Their lives

Whether so beautiful

Or unbelievably ugly

Were now engulfed

By hazing flames

Were now bruised

By the monstrous dent

Were now dimmed

By the broken headlights


Were any of them hurt?

Will they have enough money for repairs?

Will the parents fight?

Will the child cry?

Will they ever be the same again?


Its bizarre

How everything could

shatter

In one short breath

How everything could

Be overcomed by

Misfortune

Erasing the smiles

Of yesterday


Their lives are broken.


But it doesn’t affect me

Their lives aren’t mine

I’ll drive past the melting metal

The ash-covered skeleton

The burning tires

Then

I’ll move on


To me

In the end

They were just

faceless victims

I won’t even remember

this night


Yet, to them

This was the night

Screams wailed

Hearts bleed

Tears dropped

Like atomic bombs


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
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Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black and white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble; and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time, until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling; whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die," or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you, you are not alone.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionhotline.org to live chat with someone. Help it out there and you are not alone.


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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No Matter What, Do Not Be Afraid to Express Yourself

Do not be afraid to stand for what you believe in no matter how many are against it.

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The most prevalent trait that I have carried throughout my entire life is the inability to express my thoughts and emotions. Even on paper, I feel like I can never fully get out what is hoarding my brain. It's kind of cool to have some things about my self that I only know but it can become extremely unhealthy to keep everything locked inside and never telling others how I truly feel. The more I keep in, the more isolated and lonely I feel.

I know I am not alone in this and that many struggle with it. The most extroverted people you know could be hiding the most.

One of the reasons people find it hard to express themselves is due to the fear of judgment from others. No one wants to get hurt or feel ashamed. So, just saying nothing, hiding everything that makes you stand out from the rests is a great way to make sure that doesn't happen.

But really, in the end, does it really matter what bunch of people who are struggling just the same think about your weird characteristics. No. Be goofy, stand up for what matters to you most and know that there is always someone out there who loves you for you.

Another reason we like to keep things hidden is that we don't think our opinion matters. There so many times in my life that I kept my mouth shut either because I was too afraid, did not want to put attention on myself, I did not think what I had to say was different than everybody else, or I just thought that it did not matter what I had to say.

Sometimes its okay not to always state your opinion on everything but in other cases it could really benefit others if you did. Your opinion could be just what someone needs to hear to comfort them or shed light on a situation. You could also see a different side of something that someone was trying to think of but couldn't.

If you do not express yourself and what you believe in you start to mold into the ones around. You start to do things that you do not believe in just because you are too afraid to tell others how you really feel. Its okay not to have the same values and beliefs as others.

Expressing yourself can also build a substantial amount of courage. It takes bravery to announce not only your beliefs but just your own personality. People will admire your ability to not care what the world around you thinks.

The world is a scary placed filled that scorns against anything that stands out, but that's okay, be yourself anyway. Maybe by being yourself you can impact and inspire those around you.

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