per·fec·tion·ist - pərˈfekSH(ə)nəst/

noun.

1. a person who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection.

Otherwise known as Kenzie Hansley

Hi, my name is Kenzie Hansley and I am a perfectionist.

No, this does not mean I am perfect, and no this does not mean that I think I am “perfect.” But for some reason my mind tells me that I have to be. I do not like to settle, I do not like to fall short of the extremely high expectations that I have set for myself, and I especially do not like for people to underestimate me. I have always been one to hold myself to these standards, in fact, I can literally hear my mom and dad saying “Kenzie, don’t be so hard on yourself, it is okay!” But what I can’t seem to explain to them is that I do not know how to do that. I am so afraid that if I am not perfect then all the buildings around me will come crashing down and my life as I knew it would be over.

My desire to be perfect has left me broken down many times, I would be so hard on myself for something so simple like not perfecting a move in dance class, or saying the wrong thing. Then after realizing that something did not go as planned I would completely shut down. I never wanted someone to find a reason to look down upon me. I wanted everyone to like me and think “wow, this girl really has her life together.” I constantly think that people are silently judging me, when in reality they aren’t even looking at me. I have such a fear of people not liking me that I try everything to be nearly perfect in everything I do.

The hardest part of being a perfectionist is not only how I feel about myself on the inside but living a life centered around trying to be perfect. Imagine a college student stressed out to the point of tears because she is afraid of making a B, or an athlete who is not satisfied unless they play utterly perfect. Or in my case, someone who doesn't like to appear vulnerable and emotional to others.

I am trying to rid myself of this idea of being perfect. I am allowing myself mess up and not criticize myself to the point of exhaustion over it. I am willing to let go and become vulnerable and allow myself to be utterly free.

Hi, I am Kenzie Hansley, and I am not perfect, and that is okay.