Death, Taxes And Mistakes

Death, Taxes And Mistakes

Simple thoughts on making a marriage work.
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A famous person once said that the only things in life that were certain were death and taxes. He said a lot about life and was an inventor of many things. Without even knowing him, he was your original cheerleader. While he is known for his inventions such as the lightning rod and bifocal glasses, Benjamin Franklin should also be known for his belief in marriage. He was a big supporter in marriage, as many of his quotes involve it, but he was also a believer in never giving up. Whether or not these two beliefs correlate with one another is up to you, but I would like to think that he was a believer in never giving up on your marriage.

Franklin said that, “Marriage is the most natural state of man, and the state in which you will find solid happiness.” He knew that a person was not meant to go through life alone. He also knew that, with the right person, anything is possible. I believe that once you find the right person and marry, everything else falls into place. That however is not to say that marriage is easy because it isn’t. Marriage takes every fiber of your being to make it work.

Something he should have included in the things that are certain is mistakes. We as humans are imperfect and fallible. Instead of running away from mistakes, Franklin embraced them. He said not to fear them, but to know failure and keep trying. Marriage is hard. It takes a lot of selflessness to be a partner in life. Mistakes are going to happen. Maybe you burnt your spouse’s favorite dinner or ruined their favorite shirt in the wash. Learn from these mistakes and move on. Perfect the recipe and figure out what went wrong when washing the shirt. The best part about these mistakes is that you can face them head on, learn from them and never do these things again.

Franklin understood failure more than anyone. Even after shocking himself during an experiment with lightning, he kept on going. He conducted many experiments during the summer of 1747 and many experiments in the years to follow. With that he discovered electricity, one of the greatest inventions in history. He said that “energy and persistence conquer all things.” That proves true in marriage as well. With two people putting constant energy and persistence into a marriage, a divorce will never happen. This means giving your marriage and your spouse all of you.

He also said that, “If we do not hang together, we shall surely hang separately.” Some could argue that divorce is the answer to a tough marriage, but I disagree. I believe that when you decide to marry a person, you take them as who they are and everything that comes with them. You take all their damage, all their baggage and all their faults. On the other side, they take all your damage, baggage and all your faults as well. Together you take on life, the good and the bad. If you find yourself in a tough spot, stick it out together. Help each other carry your burdens, it helps lighten the load. Confide in your spouse about your problems and figure your way out together.

When your marriage gets tough, stick it out. At some point you chose that person to be your spouse for a reason, so find that reason. Just because you have a fight or a problem doesn’t mean that your marriage is over. It just means you need to find the right reason to keep pushing forward. Divorce shouldn’t be a backup plan in marriage; divorce should be a last resort. Remember that we aren’t guaranteed a happily ever after, but we are guaranteed death and taxes. Find that someone to fill in all the gaps in between and make it work.

Cover Image Credit: Monica Barrett

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5 Perks Of Having A Long-Distance Best Friend

The best kind of long-distance relationship.
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Sometimes, people get annoyed when girls refer to multiple people as their "best friend," but they don't understand. We have different types of best friends. There's the going out together best friend, the see each other everyday best friend and the constant, low maintenance best friend.

While I'm lucky enough to have two out of the three at the same school as me, my "low maintenance" best friend goes to college six hours from Baton Rouge.

This type of friend is special because no matter how long you go without talking or seeing each other, you're always insanely close. Even though I miss her daily, having a long-distance best friend has its perks. Here are just a few of them...

1. Getting to see each other is a special event.

Sometimes when you see someone all the time, you take that person and their friendship for granted. When you don't get to see one of your favorite people very often, the times when you're together are truly appreciated.

2. You always have someone to give unbiased advice.

This person knows you best, but they probably don't know the people you're telling them about, so they can give you better advice than anyone else.

3. You always have someone to text and FaceTime.

While there may be hundreds of miles between you, they're also just a phone call away. You know they'll always be there for you even when they can't physically be there.

4. You can plan fun trips to visit each other.

When you can visit each other, you get to meet the people you've heard so much about and experience all the places they love. You get to have your own college experience and, sometimes, theirs, too.

5. You know they will always be a part of your life.

If you can survive going to school in different states, you've both proven that your friendship will last forever. You both care enough to make time for the other in the midst of exams, social events, and homework.

The long-distance best friend is a forever friend. While I wish I could see mine more, I wouldn't trade her for anything.

Cover Image Credit: Just For Laughs-Chicago

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4 Signs That You Might Be A Pushover In Your Relationship

There's a fine line between being considerate and overly-accommodating in a relationship, here are some signs to help you determine which side of the line you're on.

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While most of us consider ourselves independent individuals who are secure enough to maintain our own values while respecting someone else's, the difference between being flexible and completely bending to a romantic partner's will can be a slippery slope.

Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that everything the two of you disagree on suddenly disappears. There are times when you'll have to occasionally make concessions in order to reach a solution, but you should never be the one to relent every on every issue. If you're not sure about how you stand in your relationship here are few signs that you may be a dating pushover.

1. You let them set the pace of the relationship

It can be hard to know if things are moving at a normal speed, especially if you're new to relationships. If you feel like things are moving too quickly or like the two of you aren't on the same page and choose to ignore it because the other person is content with where you are, then you're not giving your own feelings enough consideration. A relationship is not just about one person's emotions, disregarding the ones you're unsure about to avoid making waves doesn't make you peacekeeper, it makes you a pushover.

2. Your lack of an opinion is replaced by theirs

It's okay not to have an opinion on every issue plaguing our society at the moment, but it's not okay to allow your partner to declare a stance for you. If you're having a conversation with friends and politics are being broached and your S/O prefaces their statement with "We think," -knowing darn well that you don't have anything to say about Trump's administration and they think he's the best thing since Netflix started streaming "Friends"- and you don't interject with your true feelings, then you've just let them know that their preferences are more important than yours.

3. You conform to the way they see you

People are multifaceted and complex beings. While Tinder may ask you to describe yourself by a handful of defining characteristics to better match you with a mate, you are more than just "quiet" and "indoorsy". If you find yourself with someone who reduces you to labels that complement them, chances are that the more you're around them the more you'll start to only identify yourself by those labels as well. When you conform to the 2-dimensional image that someone else has of you, you lose parts of your identity and become a social chameleon.

4. You alter your dreams to fit into theirs

It's exciting to picture your life with someone you care and are serious about. Of course, you have to make some configurations in order for things to work for the both of you, but there has to be an equal amount of compromise for it to be healthy. If you're working towards a degree that would open doors for you to meet new people and have new experiences but your S/O has dreams to get settled sooner rather than later and makes you feel like you're overreaching in your life, don't abandon your vision for something that would fit into theirs.

Being a pushover does not mean you're a weak person. I don't think anyone sets out with the intent to be a chameleon dater. Sometimes it happens gradually, two people start off in a relationship thinking that they're compatible and then one person grows more comfortable and their will and opinions turn out to be stronger than the other persons'. Other times, you just make a poor judgment call and try to make things work with someone that wasn't meant for you.

If you find yourself to be a pushover in your relationship and you're unhappy about it, you can change. Take some time to learn about yourself and figure out what you want and who you want to be. You can't choose someone who really loves you and values your mind if you don't know how you need to be loved and understood. Whether you need a to step away from the dating scene, have a conversation with your romantic partner or even take a break from them, understanding yourself will strengthen all of your relationships in the long run.

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