Dear Anxiety,

I know we talk just about every day... Or actually I wouldn't call it talking... It's mostly just you talking and me listening... And then usually crying at some point. But I wanted to take a minute to thank you for everything you've done for me.

You've trained me to be so self-conscious that I very rarely get into confrontations, or... any social interactions at all, really. But I mean... I never fight with anyone, because I'm too horrified to stand up for myself. You let me be walked on by everyone, because you have completely destroyed my backbone.

I also want to thank you for controlling the size of my circle of friends... By making socialization with strangers nearly impossible. The little fears you've placed in my head that no one actually enjoys my presence, and that when I leave they all talk about me behind my back, have destroyed my ability to approach people. Even if I have struck up a conversation with someone, any subsequent conversations are just as difficult, because I'm too worried that they hate me. And it's not just talking!

You've also made texting or messaging over Facebook nearly impossible, too. Every time I get ready to message someone, I just think about you, and your belief that no one really wants to talk to me, and they'll just make fun of me when I try. So I stay silent, and let you keep me from talking to people in any form. You really just want what's best for me, after all.

Your constant whispers in my head about my appearance keep my head hung and my eyes on the floor when I walk down the street, so I never trip over anything when I'm going places! Not that anyone notices because you've helped me train to blend into my surroundings so perfectly that I can do it without trying now. You've allowed me to get as close as I can to being invisible without actually disappearing, though sometimes you make me want to.

Lastly, I want to take a moment to tell you how I completely and totally loathe you. You make me second guess everyone and everything, to the point where I can actually watch people get tired of dealing with my many quirks and anxiousness, and slowly stop seeing them all together. There are days where you prevent me from accepting compliments from my boyfriend, and I know you're making him a little weary of it too. There are so many times when I am held back because of you. To the point where I can't even order my own food at restaurants some days, because you've filled my head with this ridiculous list of reasons why I'll screw up, and how they can publicly humiliate me when I do. You're exhausting, not only to me, but everyone around me. And, worst of all, I know you're all in my head. I repeat it to myself over and over, hoping that if I say it enough, you'll slowly lose this sick amount of power you hold over every aspect of my life.

But, I guess what I wanted to tell you most, Anxiety, is that hopefully you won't know everything about me someday... And I look forward to not hearing from you someday.

Sincerely,

The Girl Who's Tired of Dealing With You