Dear UF Parking Spaces,

I don't want to come off as a complainer, but I really have to get something off of my chest that has been bothering me the second I started using you guys during my first day on campus.  Something that I think a lot of people have been wanting to say without knowing exactly how to say it.  

UF Parking Spaces, why are you so freakin' small? Now don't get me wrong, I love that you guys are there for me and my car when I drive over to campus. Without you, I would have to take the bus every time I wanted to come around and I'm really thankful that that's not the case.  But having paid so much for a decal to be able to use you guys, I don't think it would be too unreasonable to ask you to maybe be a little bigger.

Now, hear me out. I am not just trying to whine. But the thing is, I can't even use you guys sometimes because of your size. Frat Row Parking Spaces, I am especially looking at you, here. I cannot think of a single time I have come to a chapter meeting and had a smooth time parking. Sometimes one or two of you are unoccupied, but by the time I line the car up and try to drive in, I usually come to the realization that if I actually park into you, I will scrape the sides of the cars on either side of me, to no fault of their own.

And when I can fit in to one of you guys, you should see the mess that happens when I have to get out of the car. It's pretty typical for me to only be able to open my door about three inches before it touches the car next to me. I am not sure how I manage to squeeze myself out of the car in the tiny space you give me but, amazingly, I do it every time. Unfortunately, when I do, I end up wearing everything that's on the car next to me that you force me to slide by. I appreciate your intention to make wearing dirt and pollen fashionable, as well as your ability to make me look like a fat ninja, but it's just not working out.

Also, I am not sure if you are aware of this thing called UFPD, but it's this organization that takes great strides in making sure everything around you guys is perfect. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but maybe if you were just a little bigger you could help out your car-driving buddies. You see, parking over one of the lines, or overshooting the parking job by just a centimeter has the potential to cost me $30, courtesy of the guys at UFPD. If you were just a tiny bit bigger, I wouldn't have to spend 20 minutes trying to align myself perfectly within your boundaries to avoid getting ticketed.

So UF Parking Spaces, once again, I love what you are doing, I just, respectfully, think that you could do it a little better. If you could just be a tiny bit bigger, you would save your car-driving friends a lot of hassle and headache. Thanks for reading. Hopefully, you get back to me soon.