Dear all parents and parents-to-be,

It’s 2017. We’re decades into feminism, we’ve achieved same sex marriage in the United States, and the trans rights movement is in full swing now. At this point, most people who would label themselves as progressive are in agreement that gender, in general, has become an unnecessary obstacle. We don’t need to adhere to gender norms, and there’s no real need to stress gender roles. Sure, someone’s sex is still relevant for medical reasons, but gender in social institutions is constantly changing and mostly irrelevant when it comes to personality, interests, and skills.

So why do we still have gender reveal parties?

The baby you’re throwing a party for hasn’t been born yet. You’re creating a specifically gendered space for them, when there’s always a chance that your baby isn’t actually going to be the gender the doctors say they are -- whether it be because the baby is actually the opposite sex (which, I can testify, happens, as that was the case in my situation), the baby is intersex (whether it’s noticeable at birth or not), or the baby grows up to be a gender nonconforming, nonbinary, or transgender individual.

Just because your baby is born with a vagina doesn’t mean that baby is going to want to be your little princess. And just because your baby is born with a penis doesn’t mean that baby should be forced to perform as your strong, little man. Babies are babies, completely unaware of gender, and by being so obsessed with gender and what children should be like and what they should grow up to be, children are pushed, whether parents mean to or not, to perform the way their parents feel they should.

To the person who has never questioned their gender, this might not seem like a big deal. But to people who don’t fit into the gender category that was assigned to them at birth, the experience is traumatic. Gender isn't so black and white -- or, in this case, pink and blue. Erasing the spectrum that we all exist on and cementing two distinct gender boxes helps nobody.

The centuries long obsession with the genitals of children (and adults, for that matter) needs to end. What a child behaves likes and chooses to associate their self with isn’t for adults to decide, and proclaiming their gender before they even exist in our physical world is already taking away that autonomy.

The thrill of having a child should be in the existence of the child their self. Not in their speculative gender.