Dear My Dreary Diary: Is It Over?
December 10, 2017. 11:51 PM
Dear Diary,
Today was my birthday. Well, actually, there are nine minutes left. I can’t believe he never reached out. I was holding onto hope that he would. From when the moment the clock struck midnight the night before, I expected something, but the moment never came. I guess he really has moved on.
It's okay, I guess. He doesn't know how I truly feel. I mean, no one really does besides you, diary. Gosh, I just want to cry right now. It's bad enough I’m upset that I’m turning 20 but to have the one person I love not even care is a whole other story.
Today, my dad brought you up again. Once I heard your name I wanted to just cry right then and there. I thought about how we both agreed that we saw each other as "end game" and that, when the timing was right, we would find our way back to each other. Little does anyone know that I’m still holding onto a plan that he has already let go of.
I wish I could drive to his house and cry and scream at him. Tell him how much he hurt my heart today. How it’s 11:56 PM and, yet, I’ve heard nothing from the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. But why? Why is it that we seek happiness from those two words? “Happy Birthday.” They aren’t genuine. It’s like saying “Merry Christmas” or “goodbye.” They are just words of habit.
Maybe it’s because with him, they actually mean something. That if I see those words on my phone, all hope isn’t lost. If I see those words then maybe he still cares. Maybe. I don't know. I did turn him away twice. But then again, he turned me away multiple times too. Timing isn’t our strong suit.
I just can’t help but wonder what I’m supposed to feel now. Is this the point in our storyline when I realize he isn’t the one? Is this where I learn to start moving on? But the thing is, I don’t want to move on. He’s the one. I just know it. I’ve known it and felt it from the moment our eyes met sophomore year of high school in biology class (and, yes, I don’t care how cheesy that sounds).
I don’t want this to be over. This can't be over. This can't be the way it all ends.
December 11, 2017. 12:00 AM.
I look at my phone one last time.
There’s nothing. And, I guess, we are nothing now too.
December 11, 2017. 1:30 AM.
My phone starts to ring. I pick it up and look at the screen through my sleeping eyes. It's him.