Major depressive disorder affects approximately 14.8 million American adults. The Journal of the American Medical Association (1996) found that women experience depression at twice the rate of men. With that being said, the feelings that come with having depression are experienced at double the normal intensity. When a woman is depressed and experiencing feelings that include loneliness, hopelessness and worthlessness, the recovery process can be a bit more difficult. And although there are people willing and trying to help heal, there are a few things you need to know and understand when loving a girl with depression.
1. Depression is...
Imagine you didn't leave the bed to brush your teeth today, let alone take a shower. Imagine that bad taste in your mouth. Imagine sitting still and watching your friends slip away as you stop calling, stop seeing them, without really realizing it. Imagine being unable to connect with anyone, with your phone sitting right next to you. Imagine falling asleep at night hoping the sleep will cure your nausea, but waking up feeling even worse. Imagine drowning and watching everyone else around you swim. Know her depression is not a plea for romance. Don't let it be what attracts you to her.. She has depression rooted in her brain, sleeping with her in her bed, her own special needy boyfriend. At the end of it all, know self-hatred is not attractive. Depression is not beautiful.
2. It's out of your control.
It's out of hers too. There isn't a magical switch in her brain that she (and most importantly you) can flip to make her happy. Your attempts to make her smile, let her know you're there to listen, and hold her when she hits a low point are well appreciated. And although she may not be able to smile long enough for you to feel your efforts were worth it, she wouldn't be feeling better at those few moments without you.
3. There are ups and downs.
If it's a good day, she could be displaying actions of the girl you've always dreamed of. She could be smiling, she could be laughing, she could be genuinely enjoying the moment. But there will always be a downward spiral. Remind her that it will be better and it's not permanent. Remind her of those ups, of who she really is, and that the depression does not define her.
4. She must be the one to help herself.
Her depression is hitting her to her core. She feels worthless, she feels weak, she feels meaningless. Hopefully she isn't feeling these depressive emotions because of you and if you have to take even a second to reevaluate if you're the or one of the catalysts of her illness, you should refer to a guide on how to treat domestic abuse. Anyways, she won't be able to recover unless she helps herself. She can't depend on you, she must have the will to help herself and no longer be depressed. She must love herself more than the way depression makes her feel and get the help needed to no longer be depressed.
If you're a boy who loves a girl who is depressed, ultimately you must understand there isn't anything you can do to fix her completely. She must to be the one to help herself. Don't chastise her for her illness, be kind, and understanding. The last thing she needs is affirmations for the thought she already believes. Be a listener and a voice of reason. All you can do is step her in the right direction and love her for who she really is.