Dear Friends And Family

Dear Friends And Family

Thank you.

Once this article posts, I will be knee deep in Fort Leonardwood, Missouri. I will have already boarded that plane with my eyes filled with tears. I will already have hugged my friends and my family one last time. I will already have said goodbye to my coworkers and cried, many times. I will already have hugged my two best friends as they drive off into the distance. I will have already gotten my forehead kiss from my mother. I will have already cried on my brothers shoulder. And hugged my sister in law. I will have already picked up my dog and gotten that last slobbery kiss.

As I start this new chapter in my life, I want to say thank you. Thank you to my friends. For always supporting me in the crazy rash decisions I have made. Thank you for supporting me, for being there as cried. For giving me another hug cause I was scared.

To Haley, thank you. I seriously mean that. Without you the past 18 years I probably wouldn't have made it. You are one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. Words cant explain how much you mean to me.

To Hailey, girl, you are an amazing person, inside and out. Thank you for being there the past almost year. For supporting me in college. Taking those Wendys, Taco Bell and Dunkin' runs. For telling me I'm stupid for some of the decisions I have made.

To my brother and sister in law, I love you both. Dea, thank you for everything. For being my best friend growing up. For supporting me when I wanted to be a soldier. Kait, thank you for being an amazing sister. Thank you for loving my brother unconditionally. Thank you.

To my coworkers, I will miss everyone of you. I hope you all do amazing this summer. Thank you for laughing with me and at me everyday. Thank you for supporting me as I follow my dreams of being a soldier. Thank you for the short season I have had. See Y'ALL in October.

To my friends, I cant thank you guys enough for always being there when I needed a shoulder. Thank you for being there when I was scared as can be. Thank you.

To my grandfather, thank you Gary. You have given me much advice. Thank you for always fixing my car. For supporting me. Most importantly being patient with me.

To Edward, you have been one of the best dads I have ever asked for. Thank you for supporting me. For loving me as your own. Thank you.

To my recruiter, thank you for paving a path to my new adventure. For being patient. For helping me with every step. I can't wait to come back and see you. I will be a soldier.

To my daddy, with out you dad this dream would have never happened. You paved the way for me to becoming a soldier. You are the reason I boarded that plane. You are the reason I am putting on that uniform, I love you daddy.

Now to the one and only. My mother. Seriously, mom, you have been my biggest supporter. The number one in my life. You have helped me endlessly. I know you are crying right now. You are my best friend and I love you so much. I am going to be back. 10 weeks mom. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting my dreams first sometimes. Thank you for being the biggest supporter a future soldier could ask for. I love you so much mama. IT IS ONLY 10 WEEKS.

When I come home I will be a different person. I can't thank everyone enough. For helping me with this decision I have made. I will see everyone in October. Keep supporting me with my dreams. I will make every one of you proud.

With much love,

Harley Ann Kearney.

Cover Image Credit: Harley Kearney

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved

To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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A Poem: My Mother

In honor of Mother's Day, that was on the 12th, here is a poem dedicated to my mother.


To the only person who can be my mentor, friend, and leader at the same time

To someone who would make me read my own books before bedtime

And puts everything down to make sure there is a smile on my face

To the person that I find impossible to ever replace.

Somehow you are always right even when it seems wrong

And when the worst does happen, how do you still manage to stay so strong?

I'm not only impressed but inspired by you

Knowing that somehow you'll always know me better than I do.

When I'm frustrated and annoy you, you simply try to understand me

Because you have always told me that even when you can't understand, plain acceptance is the key

You have listened to all my laughs, heard me cry, and felt my emotions like they were your own

You are the only reason I am joyous and the security I need to know that I am never alone.

To the only person who has truly taught me how to live

And watched me grow and make mistakes yet still knows how to forgive

Because that's who she is, certainly not like any other

There are many women but none like my own mother.

Happy Mother's Day!

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