Hello torturer, teaser, role model, protector and most sacred confidant,
It’s been a while. A little too long. Maybe it’s only been a few weeks, but the last time we talked seems like forever ago.
Right now, I’m in the library thinking about what you may be doing. The campus grounds outside are covered with ice, and I’m wondering how the California sunshine is treating you.
I know I act like I don’t care whether you’re around or not. But my dear big brother, it’s all just a façade. One big charade if you will. I have to act like I’m indifferent because we fought and teased each other for so long.
The truth is that even though we don’t ride home from school in the same car anymore, and I find myself without you by my side more often than not, I feel connected to you now more than ever. And I’m so glad that we’ve grown closer over the last few years as we have developed, changed and become ever closer to who we are called to be.
I know that I’m just dipping my feet in the life of a college student and that you figured it out long ago. I’m still learning, but I’m getting there. Please be patient with me. I will figure it out eventually. I’ve already learned so much with your help, and I want to thank you for that.
Thank you
for teaching me how to drive and trusting that I wasn't going to crash your
car. Thank you for sitting through countless dance recitals. Thank you for
always being up for adventure. For making me die of laughter. For calling me
out when someone needs to put me in my place. And especially for protecting me.
Thank you for being my late-night phone call during finals week when I feel like the world is crowding me out and I’m struggling with all I have to push back. Thank you for telling me what I deserve in a relationship and guiding me through the struggles of heartbreak, but allowing me to make my mistakes, learn from them and grow for the better. Thank you for always being in competition with me. You’ve made me work harder over the years than I probably would have. Thank you for teasing me ever since we were toddlers. You taught me how to have thick skin and believe in my own truth. Thank you for bickering with me. You taught me how to stand up for myself in the face of adversity.
Thank you for being my older brother and shaping my life. I would not be where I am or who I am if it weren’t for you.
I miss running through the sprinklers in the heat of the summer. I miss the long days we spent in the backyard climbing on the fort. I miss playing with the Tonka trucks with Chelsea. I miss riding in the back of the wagon when you hooked it up to the toy car using bungee cords. I miss begging Mom to let us eat lunch outside on our plastic table and bench. I miss waking up in the middle of the night scared of the lightning and thunder as it raged out my window and coming to your room searching for safety and a friend. I miss the Christmas mornings when we played board games at 5 a.m. waiting for Mom and Dad to wake up so we could open presents. I miss our Saturday cartoons and watching "Tom and Jerry." And surprisingly, I miss you slap-shotting hockey pucks at me as I stood in the goalie's net so you could "practice your aim."
Please forgive me for my mistakes. I know that in the last 19 years, I have made a lot of them. I'm a lot to handle. But what can I say? I'm a teenage girl.
So when I act like I don’t care, know that I do too much.
And when I tease you, know I admire you.
And when we fight, know you’re probably right, and I’m just too damn stubborn.
And when I call, know that it always, always means that I miss you way more than I could ever give away.
I need you.
I miss you.
I will always support you.
But more than anything, I love you.
All my heart,
Your Little Sister
By the way, prepare for me to smoke you in this Fitbit challenge.
