Hey Bro, remember me? I know I remember you. I miss you more than words can explain. I miss your hugs, our late night chats, playing video games together, and I even miss you annoying the living hell out of me most days. I hope you are at peace. I hope you are happy. I hope I am making you proud; proud enough to call me your little sister. I will never know why the universe chose your life to be shortened. I will never understand what I did to deserve loosing you, but I did and somehow I made it out alive. I think I made it out alive because that is what you would have wanted. I think you secretly knew I would be ok; you knew that I could take care of our Mom & Dad and make sure they didn't do anything rational. You knew eventually life would return back to normal, well the new normal. Life will never be normal, it will never be how it was. I will try and cultivate the new normal; make sure mom and dad are ok, and continuing being the unapologetic person I am. Bro, you have to much confidence in me if you thought i would be able to do all of this and still keep my sanity. I can just picture you laughing your head off while reading this and saying, "oh, sissy. Don't worry you will figure it out." You always would think I was the star child, that I had all the potential to succeed. But, bro you were wrong. Dead wrong! You had all if not more of that potential to succeed. Even when you didn't believe in yourself, I did and still do.
Remember that one summer's night when we were younger when we caught fireflies together as I wore fairy wings. I was so excited each time you gave me another firefly. We both were so happy and in love with life. WE would have camp outs in the house under our pillow forts we made every weekend and I would cheer you on as I watched you play super Mario Kart on the Super Nintendo. Even when you got older you still hung out with me often, not as much, but you always would try to include me in your life somehow. I would live for those moments and I miss those moments. When I started High School you were a Senior and every day at lunch you and your group of friends would sit with me. As I saw you in the hallway you would sing my name so everyone could hear it. What you didn't know is every time you did that, I smiled for the rest of the day. Even after you graduated and had to come back to school for something, you remember it was the day of my finals and brought me a donut before they started, gave me a hug, and say, "I love you good luck sissy!"
Even when things got rough in your life and you moved to Ohio, we still would talk on a regular basis. You were so happy to see Mom and I when we would visit you for those few days we could visit you. You were just always happy when I saw you; even when I could tell you were in a terrible mood. You tried so hard to stay posistive to get out of bed each day with a smile on your face. You gave life the biggest chance and I will life didn't just try to slap you in the face.
I will you were still here! I will I could call you and not get a this number is no longer connected. I want to be able to facetime and skype with you and have our midnight-3am text conversations. I wish you could approve of my boyfriend and that we could have gone to the last grateful dead concert together. I wish you could have met our nieces and nephew on the way. You would have loved them and they would absolutely adore you. They can eve say your name better than my name. I wish that you could see everything that life has to offer and I wish you were still alive.
Even though none of my wished will ever come true, there is one thing that will always be true and remain the same. I am proud to be your baby sister and I love you always.
Love you bro, always and forever,