There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you.

We were meant to be in each others' lives. Out of all the kittens in your litter, you played with me whenever I visited-- even forsaking your twin brother. I remember how much bigger you and your brother were from the rest of your litter. You two were the kings, and my only goal was to make you happy.

I remember the brazen tricks you did when I first met you — jumping incredible heights, climbing where the rest of your litter was afraid to climb, finding anything and everything to use as a toy — which was why Brazen became your name.

That first summer of just the two of us are days I wish were cemented in my memories. It wasn't until I adopted your brother from another litter that you came alive. Going to work and school kept me from you for most of the day. The neighbors always told me how loud you meowed for me when I wasn't home. Weekends were our time.

Remember the cat milk I bought for you? And the months of finding food you would eat? How you followed me everywhere? That one spot right in front of the door that you loved - and that spot under that ridiculous pull out couch? Then there was a hidden nook behind the toilet and your dancing in the bathtub when I wasn't in there? What was with that?

There were hard times between us too. You never mastered the art of pooping in the litter box. When apartment negligence caused you to fall. Your urinary tract infection scare. Moving five times. Landlords and roommates always trying to separate us.

Remember all the goofy videos I made of you? How happy I was every time you rubbed your back on the tile to get your belly rubbed? The millions of love bites and scratches I received when we played?

The last few hours of your life went from 0 to 60 in seconds. It was one in the morning and your brother and I were watching a DVD series. No sleep was to be had — it was too hot. We were all sweating since the fan was just blowing hot air. It was another seemingly typical June evening in the Midwest. You jumped up to join us, but then suddenly the end began. That hour was just as painful for me as it was for you. Your brother kissed you before the end. I watched what was your last breath as I lifted you into your carrier.

I hope you know how much I loved you.

The Veterinarian could only guess what happened to you. I couldn't bare to have you cut open. The plot was fine. Of course, I wanted time with you before they took your body. Your mouth was open. I should've asked them to close it. I wish you could've had a peaceful end, but your brother from another litter and I were with you. You did not die alone.

Your brother looked for you when I came home with your empty carrier. I looked for you too. I cried myself to sleep. My body went into shock for the rest of the day. I cried myself to sleep for a solid week. I was upsetting your brother. So I cried less. I have to stay strong for him. We need each other now to lean on.

I moved for the sixth time a few months later. I was afraid your soul would remain in that terrible place. I told you goodbye to you once more as I finished cleaning out the old apartment. I hung pictures of you all over the new apartment. I told my new landlord I have two cats-- I still have your toys, your food dish, your litter box, and your carrier. If I bring your belongings with me then you'll never leave me, right?

Sometimes I feel light footfalls near my feet where you liked to sleep. You're still with me.

It took me two months to watch our old videos together. Your brother perks up at the sound of your meows; I won't let him forget you.

I can't bring myself to watch the last video I took of you. I never want to remember your howling agony. I want to remember you as you were. Adventurous, loyal, loving, stubborn, and noisy. My big tiger Brazen. May your body continue to rest in peace.