[Hi. um. I just want to start this article off with a quick letter to my parental figures.

Hi Mom. Hi Dad.

I tried out tinder. Yes, it's a dating app. No, I won't have it long. It's for the article.

I still love you.

Love,

Maddie.]

Dear Boys on Tinder,

First off, hello. How are you this evening? Yes, I am aware that it is 3:15 AM, but it's still the evening.

I wanted to write you a letter because I have some concerns regarding this whole Tinder dating thing. You see, I joined Tinder mostly because I have low self-esteem and I wanted to see if boys actually liked me or just tolerated me. The experience I got was... interesting. Let me lay it out for you: I joined Tinder about two weeks ago just for the fun of it and then deleted it two days later. I just got back on Tinder (because my friends were talking about it and I was like, oh well, maybe I could write an article about it) and I want to delete it again. But instead I'm writing this letter. To you, Tinder Boys. There are some things that need to be said. Let's begin.

First of all, why do you set your main photo as a photo of you in a group of people? How am I supposed to know which one is you? And let me specific as to not confuse you, a group in this sense is defined as two or more people. Here's what I'm trying to say: if the first photo I see of you is you in a group, I'm going to assume that you are the cutest one out of the group, and when that turns out to actually be your bud from 1st grade, things are going to be awkward and I'm going to ask you for his number when we match. Sorry. Your first photo should be a photo of YOU and just you. Okay? Okay.

Also, try a little harder on your bios. You need a little more than "UNK '20". I can figure out when you're graduating with some simple addition. I'm not stupid. I'm not saying that the only thing you should have is the fact that you're 6'3'' either. Cool. You have long legs. You know what else girls like? Personality. Effort. Not "looking for a trust fund and a nice ass" either. Tell me who you are, what you love. I want to know your passions, not what kind of truck you have. Step it up boys, write something worth reading in your bio.

Brownie points for the dog photos, but how about a photo of you as well? Yes, you're right that having a dog makes you 80% more attractive, but chances are, I'd be looking to date you, not your dog. Instead of having all six photos of your puppy, post a photo of your face too. Just a suggestion.

Having photos of you with other girls is also not cool. I don't know what girl would say, "hey, that's a datable man, he is surrounded with girls with the minimum requirement of clothing on. My mom would love him." Sure, you can have your sister or niece in a photo with you, but not the girls from Vegas. You're not cool. Just a tool.

Use photos with your whole face in it. This one really isn't that hard, I'm upset I even have to mention it. Stop taking those dumb, half-face photos. Sure, I'd love to date the left half of your face and some of your right nostril, but if the right half shows up to dinner, I'm going to be really upset. Just take a photo with all of your face in it. All you have to do is move the camera over just a little bit more. It's not that hard, I'm sure you can look it up on WikiHow if you need further assistance.

Again, I don't care what kind of car you have.

And put a shirt on.

Also, if we match and you send me a message that reads, "heyy gurl wat u up 2?" I'm going to light myself on fire. GRAMMAR IS SEXY. In fact, be nice too! Try "Hey! How are you?" or even "I read your bio and I see that you love hiking, I love hiking too!" That even leads me on to my next point, read my bio too! I wrote it for a reason! If you don't read it, I'm going to assume you're illiterate and I'm sorry but I only date boys who have read To Kill a Mockingbird at least once. Even if it was for that one book report back in 9th grade.

Stop. Talking. About. Yourself. Why do I have to ask all the questions? Just go date yourself if you're so in love with the way you are.

I have one last thing to say (for now): Just be yourself. Lemme tell you a fun fact. Girls think quirks are cute. If you actually love stargazing and binge watching Lord of the Rings, say so. If you prefer tea over RedBull and sometimes you stay up late at night thinking about existence, tell me. If one of your goals is to finish at 5,000 piece puzzle and sometimes you hum when you watch dishes, say something about it. If you're kind of afraid of spiders, know how to spell the longest word in the English language, and/or know how to speak Pig Latin fluently, mention it! Stand out, but be yourself. Stop trying to be anything you're not. Life doesn't work that way, I'm sorry. Trust me, I wish that I was someone else constantly. But maybe if we can be ourselves together, we can make this work and it can be good. It up to you pal, I'm already me. You just gotta be you.

Love,

Maddie.

PS. Yes, I am aware that I'm very single. Don't remind me. (It's probably because I write things like this)