Living with anxiety is extremely hard. Some days you feel like you're crazy, some days you want to lay under the covers and block out every aspect of the outside world. Some days you cry yourself to sleep because you cannot understand why you have no control over your own mind, and sometimes you just need someone to tell you everything will be okay. It's honestly a shitty situation to deal with.

And if you're someone like me who prefers to stay away from medication, it becomes something that can start to test parts of your life, like your relationships. So, boyfriend, I am writing this letter to you, to remind you that yes, anxiety is something that I deal with each and every day. It's something that consumes every thought in my mind sometimes. It's something that has tried us over and over.

But it doesn't mean that I love you any less.

If anything, your understanding, your help, your comfort on my worst days, and your ways to cheer me up, all make me love you even more!

It definitely has not always been easy. We've been dating for two years now, and in the beginning, you really didn't have much of a clue about anxiety. You had no idea why I would freak out about the smallest of problems, why I would overthink myself into a crying mess over situations that will never happen, why I would question parts of our relationship when we both know I trust you wholeheartedly, or why I would constantly ask you to repeat yourself to reassure me of certain things.

For example...

"Are you sure you want to be with me?"

"Yes I am sure"

"But are you really sure?"

"Yes, love, I promise"

"Ugh, but HOW can you be sure?"

You get the picture.

But I don't question you because I think you will leave me, I know deep down you won't. I don't question you because I do not trust you or I think you're on the lookout for someone else because I know deep down you're not. I don't question you because I am wary about the strength of your relationship, because I promise I am not. I question you because my anxiety kicks in and it feels like I lose all control of common sense and reality for a while.

I want you to know, boyfriend, that as time has gone on, and you have learned more and more about anxiety and the things that sent me into a worrisome mess, that there is nothing I appreciate more than when you are right there by my side to calm me down.

From the small things you've done like holding me at night and talking about everything and anything to distract me from my own mind, to buying lavender oils, candles, and room scents in the hopes to help calm me down when fear kicks in, to being there to listen to me stress and cry for hours upon hours about things you may never understand.

I will love you more than you know, for being there no matter what. For never letting go when you thought I didn't believe in our relationship, or when you honestly thought I was a crazy girlfriend. You make my worst days easier to deal with, you make my long nights seem a little shorter, and you make me smile again when I need it the most.

So yes, anxiety can be a tough one, it can test relationships in ways you never knew they would be tested and send you through hoops you didn't think you would ever have to jump through. But it also makes you grow closer to that someone special, someone who will love you no matter what, someone who can turn your fear into laughter, and someone who can start to make you feel safe and comfortable again.

Boyfriend, I appreciate you more than you will ever know.