Coming to NC State after my dad died turned out to be a difficult time for me. The house was under bankruptcy and, with no one to pay it, the house would no longer belong to me and my brother. I had to pack up everything. I knew that I wouldn't be able to fully rely on my brother to take care of everything, so I made sure that my stuff was, at least, taken care of.

It felt depressing in a sense to come to school without my parents there with me. My mom had passed in 2013 and my dad in 2016. My dad wouldn't have been able to walk up three flights of steps to see my dorm room and just be a part of my journey as a college student.

I find reasons to justify why he died when he did. Even though it was so close to prom and graduation, he at least saw my prom dress and knew that I was going to NC State. I find it a positive thing that he died before I broke up with my last boyfriend since he actually liked him. I didn't want to have to explain why I no longer talked about said ex.

I cried a lot. It wasn't every day, but there were days when I didn't feel like getting up. There were days I would break down and freak my roommate out because she didn't know how to help me get through my pain. My aunt would call and check on me every couple of weeks. She would see how I was doing, how my grades were doing, and wanted to know when I was coming home.

When it got to the point where my low moods overpowered my high ones, I went to the counseling center. I got paired with an awesome therapist, and he helped me come out the other side. I was able to talk about what was going on in my life. I got to bring up my dad and how everything with and after his death affected me. It just made it a lot easier to bear.

Even now, I still have my moments where I don't want to get out of bed. I lay under the covers and let the tears slide down my face. Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't cry. Crying helps get whatever you are feeling out. It's like a release and, even if you don't feel completely better afterward, you still haven't kept it locked inside.

I have triggers. I don't specifically know what they are until it happens and I'm ready to sob in public. I'm still grieving. I've been told that it won't last forever, but it also won't go away with the snap of your fingers. I've just learned to roll with it and whenever I feel the need to cry and scream, I do it.

I talk to my friends. I talk to family from time-to-time. I go to the counseling center on campus. I even write in a journal to just let everything go. To vent and not have it stewing; otherwise, there's a chance I'd explode and that's not pretty.

For me, I don't fully know when I'll "be okay." It might be next week. It might be in a few years. I'm not putting a time limit on my grief. I'm not going to wallow in it either.

In the famous words of Dory, "Just keep swimming."