My close friends and family have told me for many years that I have an “addictive personality.” I have wondered exactly what this meant for quite some time, but now I think I’ve finally figured out what this is and how I deal with it.
This means that my emotions are authentic, honest and raw, exposed to the world and my surroundings in their truest state. I refuse to believe that people are malicious and mean, even when they are acting rude or disrespectful. I have often found myself defending others’ actions, saying, “He probably just forgot to respond,” “It was just a joke” or “she didn’t mean it like that.”
It means that when I like someone, a friend or a romantic interest, I really like them. This may sound ignorant, but it’s the honest truth. And when I really dislike someone (on those rare occasions), I really dislike him or her.
Once I get “hooked” on someone, I am passionate. My enthusiasm for them will not simmer down. I feel on top of the world. I believe everything good about them, even if it may not be true.
I have found that this characteristic is both a blessing and a curse. It allows me to search for the good in people and remain positive. However, at the same time, it is difficult for me to let go of a toxic friendship/relationship—to cut the cord that needs to be cut so badly.
This also makes me naïve. It is difficult for me to look at the “bigger picture,” as I only focus on the smaller, zoomed in one. It makes me appear gullible and dumb, believing everything that person says.
As I recently wrapped up my first semester in college, I have learned how to deal with this, away from my comfortable surroundings of home. At school, I am constantly meeting new people—from friends, boys, professors and more. I have learned to (cautiously) distance myself and step back from the situation before making any rash decisions or thoughts in my head about that person without getting to know them (over time) well.
So as I prepare to enter my second semester, I will go wiser, more intelligent and more experienced than I was before. My personality is unique, just like me.