I just want to take a moment to acknowledge the bravery it takes to press on when living with anxiety.

Anxiety has been a part of me for two days, revolving around life transitions and feelings of inadequacy. I don't know how to do life. I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to move. I don't know how to really do anything. My thoughts are everywhere, and all I want is quiet. Everything is so loud. The people around me, the judgments of others, the assumptions I make, the challenges in front of me, the cars, the business. There are too many things that need thought put towards them. To think that this is a struggle every day for particular individuals hurts my heart.

Loudness everywhere.

It's also really hard to see other people doing so well. It's hard to hear my best friend have strength behind his voice. The quietness and hesitancy in my own all of a sudden sounds like an amphitheater of doubt. It's not that I'm sorry to hear success, I'm sorry to see my own failure.

I know that when people look at me they witness lots of smiles and competitive goodness that could feel untouchable. I can't help emitting that, but I want you to know that it is simply a tendency. It's in no way the reality of actual goodness and betterment that calls for a challenge. I, like yourself, fear life. I am inadequate. I am a being of inability. And I'm almost ashamed that what people see sometimes is a well-put-together nurse who is pursuing missions, giddily married, and is happy 'all the time.'

I don't know if this offends you, or helps you, or doesn't do anything for you, but what I desire most is that you are validated. That this reaching out shows some sort of understanding, mutuality, sympathy, but also something that tells you the tempting comparison is all an illusion.

I wish I could give you everything, all the enabling in the world, all the reassurance, all the hope that somehow satisfies the aching reminders of failure. I don't have it, but I do know that our focus must be controlled, emphasizing someone else versus ourself to stop our consumption of energy to destructive self-criticism and comparison.

To look to Jesus has allowed me to taste quiet. All I can do is look at Him with adoration to who He is. My comparison doesn't have to fall to a human, feeling the measure of expectation hit me as we are of the same kind.

I can look to Jesus.

A man that is God- clearly an advantaged and better kind. A man that is filled with goodness and kindness that can give to me, that I can't empty, or bother too much, or feel any shame in front of. He already knows everything, He's already been full circle around my failure.

He is perfect.

He is joy.

He is the enabler.

He is the comforter.

He is the satisfier.

He is the quiet.