To all of my hearing friends,

I just want you to know, I'm still here. I just haven't figured out how to fit in with the hearing world right now. I am sorry I feel like I fell off the Earth.

Don't ever feel like I don't love you. I love you like my best friends. I just am taking time to figure out if I belong to the hearing culture.

I may be deaf, but you never treated me differently. I don't want you to feel like I'm not here for you because I am.

I want to be your best friend until we die.

Yes, I have a hearing boyfriend. That doesn't mean that he's not there for me.

You guys mean more to me than anything. I would like to let you know that it will be OK. I found out where I'm standing, it's just on the other side now.

Yes, I grew up in the hearing culture, I just haven't really been fond of anything yet. I'm either scared to get too close to the hearing people or I get too close to the deaf culture and end up hurting myself.

It's not you that I'm hurting. It's me.

I can't figure out what I want to do with my life. Whether I want to be in the deaf world or the hearing world. I'm the only one who can change who I am, believe that I can do it and take charge of my life.

I'm trying my hardest. I want to fit in, but I'll always be that "deaf girl." Only because I was bullied and I couldn't help anyone but myself.

Even if I had other help, it was only up to me to make that change. I may be almost 20, but I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do.

I may not be the best person when it comes to hearing culture because I am always saying, "I hate the hearing culture." But I don't really mean that.

I mean to say that the hearing culture is really uneducated. I love you all, but even two of my best friends who have been there from the start have noticed that hearing culture can be pretty hurtful.

Hearing people will "correct" deaf people on anything. I can see why some hearing people can't get along with the deaf, and that's understandable.

I don't get along with most hearing people, and I'm deaf.

I'm glad you, my best friends from the hearing side, have patience with me, though.

I am on the middle line with two diverse cultures, and I'm not sure I've completely accepted that.

I am so fond of my community, the deaf community, that I don't pay enough attention to the hearing community.

I want my friends to know that I am trying the best I can to become more engaged with their culture and not be so attracted to mine. But it can be hard sometimes when that's all I know.

Sometimes, I even feel like I'm failing at being a friend in the hearing world.

I'm sorry, and I wish I could help you understand. But before I can do that, I have to help myself.

Love,

Your Friend.