Since the day I was born, I’ve always wanted that sister relationship all my friends have with their older sisters and unfortunately I will never have that. As much as I wish we could create a relationship like that, I don’t think it will ever happen and it’s all because of your addiction.

Throughout my childhood, I can’t really remember much except for lie, drama, and heartbreaks. Your addiction led to so much, not just for you, but for everyone that cares about you. It has caused unnecessary drama and it a broken family. To have 3 beautiful children and to sigh over your parental rights, has truly disappointed me and how’s change how I feel about you. You ruined everything, not just physically, or mentally but also emotionally.

I've lost respect for you. I’ve done everything for you, from planning interventions, fought in court for you, helped you and your family out with money, given you money and so on...but with all my help and support in the past, that was never enough to want to be sober. You would think having three beautiful children and a sister who is working her ass off to help you, would make you want to get clean but that was all a lie. This addiction got you good.

You’re addiction has driven me to not care much and it kills me that I cant do anything to make that feeling go away. When you have repeatedly lied to me, refused treatment and have stolen from me, I’ve lost all hope and have stopped trying to help you sober up. I wish I could say, “I miss the person you use to be” but in my 23 years of being alive, I don’t remember if you were ever clean from this addiction or if we have ever had a real bond in sisterhood. Will I ever get to have the relationship I want with you? At this point in life, I’m not to sure. That is what scares me the most. You’ve said you were sober so many times throughout my life, and at the end of the day that was a lie. You have always failed me and I don’t think I could ever trust you if you said you were clean. Its sad when I believed you when you said you were sober, and yet again, you lied about your sobriety.

It’s been almost twenty four years wanting that sisterly relationship, but it will never happen if it hasn’t happened at this point. I hate to say it but I’ve lost all hope in believing that you will ever be 100% sober. For my own sake, I feel lie I need to cut you out of my life. Do I regret this choice? Sometimes, yes because you are family and family is supposed to support each other through thick and thin, but for my own safety, I think I need to let go. Every time someone messages or calls me about you, my anxiety goes through the roof. I’m always preparing myself for “that call”. The call stating that someone found you dead due to an overdose. That is my biggest nightmare, the guilt and helplessness I would feel if I ever receive that call. It would l truly break my heart, I don’t know what else to do for you.

I don’t think anyone would really understand my choice and wanting to let go of whatever relationship we have left. Even at this age, it’s hard to find people who have dealt with what I’m dealing with. I think it’s important for people like me going through this to share our stories.