Many of our elders including parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, like to think that love during the teenage/young adult years (15-22) is nothing but "puppy love."
For some, this may be true but for others (including myself) I have found that relationships during this time can be an emotional roller-coaster that ultimately affects your life and your decisions.
My roller-coaster started when I was just a sophomore in high school. I have always deemed myself to be a bright individual with lots of personalities but for some reason, I enjoyed dipping my feet in the pond of bad boys.
I started dating a high-school dropout who I eventually dated for about 2 years with one of those years being behind my parents back.
I swore with every inch of my heart that this person was going to be my person for the rest of my life and I would have done anything to keep the "love" alive.
Of course, all of my friends, family, and loved ones thought I was absolutely insane for dating someone who was not only a high-school dropout but also a person (who lived in my neighborhood) who would often neglect to text me, call me, or hang out with me for weeks at a time while we were dating.
And, of course, I made up every excuse in the book as to why he acted this way.
I never saw with my own eyes how he completely failed to be attentive to me in every aspect of my life until about two years into the relationship. At this time I was not only at my breaking point but, I found myself with zero self-esteem, confidence, or motivation. My young mind had manipulated itself into thinking there was something wrong with me physically and mentally.
I had lost about 15-20 pounds because of this demoralizing mindset I was in.
Friends, family, my softball coach, parents of people who I played softball with or against started to notice my gauntness and asked me or my parents if I was okay or needed any help which was often times very embarrassing for me.
Simultaneously as my feelings for this boy were exponentially fading I met another boy (who graduated high school and attempted to go to college) who seemed to be everything I had not had for the past two years of my life.
In the first couple months of the relationship, everything was peaches and roses.
I had finally gained my confidence, self-esteem, and a little bit of weight back.
I had already known what college I was going to be attending when we began dating because I had committed to a University the year prior to playing softball.
Therefore, he also had previous knowledge of this, but when the summer started rolling in and conversations about long distance commenced so did the fights and arguments.
Since he had already gone away to college and experienced the type of atmosphere I was soon going to be indulging myself in, he knew everything that I would be exposed to, and it began eating him alive.
This fear of me going away turned into accusations of cheating, arguments about things that didn't even matter or make sense, and holes being punched in doors and walls.
Instead of evacuating myself from the relationship I turned into someone who didn't have my own thoughts or feelings because I was scared they would make my partner upset.
I turned into a robotic girlfriend walking on eggshells so that nothing I could have said, wore, or did could upset my "other half."
I escaped this relationship when I finally went to college and realized I no longer needed to put up with that type of behavior.
From that point on I built the Wall of China over my heart and boys became nothing but objects to me.
I was completely satisfied with being on my own and actually started to prefer it.
After about a year of being this way and not letting a single male even chip a piece of my bricked wall, I met Javier.
I could tell Javier was different from your typical dude, but I still would not allow myself to even remotely open up to him.
Instead, I took route friend zone and was entirely content with being one of the bros, growing up with a brother five years older than I, had molded me to be more like a bro anyway.
However, Javier had interest in me being way more than just that and I could see it, but never acknowledged it.
After four or five months of hanging out and Javier still never even bringing up the fact that he was more than just interested in me, and ever try to make a move on me, I started to think "Wow I've never met a guy so respectful and thoughtful as to not even care to make a move, but rather just happy to be in my presence."
A couple weeks after, thoughts like these started to develop, so did my feelings for Javier.
I have never met someone who listens, communicates, and endlessly tries to ensure that I am radiating with love and happiness at all times.
I have never met someone who would go to the end of time to guarantee that my life is made easier in every way.
I have never met someone that is so mindful of the way I may feel about their actions and words.
I have never met someone that communicates so deliberately that it makes it impossible to have an argument.
I have never met someone like my true love, Javier.
So, no matter how many times you try and fail:
pick yourself up,
learn from your mistakes,
NEVER give up on love,
and you too, will find your Javier.