There is so many different scenarios people think of when they hear about a woman or a man in a serious relationship with someone who is a parent.
"Do you have baby mama/baby daddy drama?"
"Does he/she call you step mom/dad?"
"Isn't that really hard? I mean, you'll never be first."
That's the thing though; I don't want to be first. That's how my brain has always worked, I always put others before myself so how would this be any different? I first became an acquaintance to my boyfriend when we were kids. His house was the next street over and he would always come down to hang out with the neighborhood kids. I barely spoke to him, because I was extremely shy and awkward. I'm still that way now of course. Years go by, we all grow up, and lose touch.
When I met back up with him, I was extremely nervous. I didn't know why, it wasn't like I was going to instantly fall in love with this man. I had a shield protecting myself to prevent me from doing such a thing. I also knew he was going through a lot, he was in a middle of a separation/ divorce, with a young son that I didn't think it was the right time to start up something. It wasn't until we kissed that I felt something strong, something I hadn't felt in a very long time that was almost scary. We've been going strong for two years since, and I fall more and more in love with him. My feelings grow more when I watch him with his son.
I will be honest, I was extremely terrified to be in a relationship with a father. It wasn't because I didn't think I could handle it, because I had been a nanny and babysitter for young children my whole life so children didn't bother me. It was the simple fact that I didn't want his mother to think that I was going to overstep my boundaries. I know my place as a woman and as a girlfriend; I would never over step those boundaries because he is not my child. It always makes my skin crawl when I see women who aren't mothers claim the "step mother" role when they're not even married. I know there can be certain scenarios where the mother is barely involved or never at all, but I do see a lot of the drama stemming from the girlfriend of the single father when the mother is 100% involved.
As of recently, I've been spending more time with the two of them. His son is the sweetest little boy and seeing them together pulls at my heart because I'm experiencing parenthood on the other side. I'm not a mother, I'm not ready to be a mother, but I will make sure that that little boy will always be safe and cared for when I'm around. He has one mother, a woman who loves him unconditionally, and that's all he needs. A mother and a father. It's okay to have positive influences in their lives, which I hope to be towards him. I had plenty of those growing up and especially after my mother died, I had a handful of women to become a mother figure to me.
I want to be his friend, someone he can talk to if he ever feels comfortable. He only gets one mom and one dad, but I believe he can have positive male and female role models; like grandparents, aunts and uncles, and friends. As long as he is not being jeopardized it's okay to have those role models.
I have grown to love this little boy, not like he is my own, but as one of my godchildren or niece or nephew. I will protect him if he falls, I will give him the advice he needs. I will be his friend and I will care for him to the best of my ability. I give both of them credit as parents for co-parenting and doing everything right when it comes to their son. There is no animosity, they don't say harsh words in front of their son about each other because that will only hurt him. A lot of divorced or separated parents don't do that either, and it's a shame because the child is always going to be the one that's going to the get hurt. It's amazing to see two people look at something beautiful they created, put all the negative aside if their is any, and just be civil.
It's a learning experience and a wonderful experience, I love my boyfriend unconditionally and it's amazing to see just how wonderful of a man he is especially around his son. Like I said, he is not my son, I'm not a mother, and I don't want to be called anything other than Andrea or what he likes to call me which is "Andie Kate". I will say over and over again though, I will be there to protect to him, no matter what.