How Many Randoms Jacks Do We Have To Date Until We Find 'THE ONE?'

How Many Randoms Jacks Do We Have To Date Until We Find 'THE ONE?'

How long until I'm in love?

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I wish so badly that I understood the kind of love the movies portray. It's not that I don't believe in love, or that I've never been in love, but in real life- I have yet to star in my own romantic comedy that I accordingly feature throughout my Instagram page. I don't know what many people's relationships are like behind closed doors, so it's hard to tell from pictures just how happy some people really are, but from a lot of what I can see, there are some damn happy couples out there, and I have to admit, I am low key jealous.

I am genuinely intrigued by people's healthy relationships, and as someone who used to mock (out of repressed jealousy) people flaunting their relationships on the internet, I am recently finding myself more curious than offended and personally victimized by their happiness. Some people just really seem to have that undeniable spark, and as I am beginning to date (in a healthy manner) for the first time in my life, I find myself in hopes of the elusive spark. It's the spark I see in movies and the spark I see between some couples I know in real life. I want to believe in that kind of connection, and I do believe it's out there, but as someone who is just returning to the world of relationships, I am skeptical, to say the least. And I, like many, have my reasons.

I mean, first off, from what I have read ten thousand times and have been told over a million, "you can't be in a relationship until you discover yourself". Okay, the only problem with that is that I think we're all constant works in progress and I don't see myself really getting my shit together any day soon. It's a freaking process to maintain a healthy and balanced lifestyle. But at the same time, I agree. I agree that a person can't be with someone else until they love themselves, and like many others who struggle with their insecurities, I'm not quite there yet. When we enter a relationship, we must make sacrifices and sometimes put someone else's needs in front of our own, and that's a tough thing to do.

Recently, I have gotten through my first mini-breakup that will most likely be the first in a series of God knows how many. That's another reason to be distrustful towards relationships- they involve dating. UGH. Dating is basically talking to someone for a few weeks to a few months and then after using up a bunch of emotion and vulnerability and possible gut-wrenching openness, there's a good chance they won't be the one. There's also a chance they will be, but let's be honest with ourselves, it's much smaller.

This particular guy opened my eyes in many ways, and instead of being bitter, I'd like to take an opportunity to reflect on what playing the role of "girlfriend" for a month taught me.

Let's call him Jack. I think we all know a Jack- you know: good looking, maybe a little quirky, maybe a little cynical, independent, makes you feel special, clever. Etc., etc.

But as much as Jack and I had in common, and as much as Jack liked me for me, there was no cure for his disease. Jack suffered a severe case of commitment phobia, as I'm sure many people do. He was upfront about it from the start, but of course, I thought, "I'll be the one to change that." Jack and I got along really well and his capacity for understanding and his ability to live in the moment really drew me in. If he ever judged me for a second, he never let it show. He was reclusive yet

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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Ghosting Is Not Only Annoying, It’s Childish—Get Your Act Together And Respond

It's time to stop ignoring conversations.

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The term ghosting is defined as the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. (Also, how sad is it that it actually has coined definition.) Whether you are ignoring your co-worker, friend, tinder match, mom, I can guarantee you that everyone, at least once, has ghosted on someone.

And it's understandable. That's how our society is built now. If you don't like something, you stop using it and move on to something else. If you don't want to be in a conversation, you ignore it and move to the next conversation. But when you begin to do that with every conversation, you are no longer communicating. You're just being childish.

Ghosting is easy because if you don't like how the conversation is going, you can just exit out of your messaging app and pretend it never happened. But the problem is that the other person that's involved with that conversation can't pretend like it never happened. The intention behind the ghosting is still there. Whether you are mad at that person, feel uncomfortable, or just don't want to listen what the other has to say, the receiving communicator will still know what you're feeling because you can't think of a response. The "ghoster" just couldn't face their issues and decided to hide behind a screen. And that's infuriating. If you can't handle the responsibility or responding, you shouldn't be able to start a conversation at all.

Of course, it's easier said than done, but we need to get back into the habit of finishing conversations. We need to be able to face our problems and know how to communicate them to others. We need to understand true interaction if we want to be able to have a real relationship with other people. So stop being annoying. Stop being childish. Respond.

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