How Dating Makes Love Difficult

How Dating Makes Love Difficult

If they say don't hate the player but to hate the game, is it okay to also hate the rules that dictate how we play?

A confusing mess. That's what I think of when I think of the today's idea of dating. There are so many rules that someone, somewhere decided would be the ultimate guide for how to date. And, okay, yes, there are some cases where these rules do work and are helpful but sometimes (most times actually) it's complete bull. How is it possible to remember let alone follow the countless rules that dictate what is "okay" and the countless more than say what "isn't okay?" And, if you're one of the many unfortunate souls like myself who have trouble following the dating rules because you want to listen to your heart instead, how are you expected to win at this game when you don't even know how to play or, more importantly, agree with how the game should be played?

I'll be honest, dating is something I suck at and simply don't understand. It isn't because I don't know how to talk to a guy. And it isn't that I'm too shy to talk to him either. It's far from that. I grew up as a tomboy surrounded by young men working on the farm. I quickly learned that I got along far better with the boys than I ever did with the girls and still do to this day because I'd rather be out riding four-wheelers or watching truck and tractor pulls than getting my hair and nails done. But, more than that, though, I think the primary reason why it is so hard for me to understand dating is because of the many guy friends that I have in comparison to the few girlfriends. Having guys that are friends is wonderful, it's like having an older brother who isn't afraid to tell it to you straight and is low-maintenance. However, it's tricky when people always think you are together when really you're just good friends. Being surrounded by guy friends my entire life, I have always felt like I was "one of the guys." As "one of the guys" I never could distinguish the difference between a guy being friendly and a guy being flirtatious. You'd have thought I'd have figured it out from watching my guy friends flirt with other girls around me, but sadly, I'm still oblivious and think of flirting as a foreign language.

When I say that flirting is like a foreign language I mean that there are some things that I know and others where I just shake my head and have a deer in the headlights expression. I hate being clueless to such extremes that I think that when someone is seriously flirting, it needs to be very obvious. Obvious almost to the point of putting a huge, blinking neon sign over the guy's head that says, "I like you" in order for me to get the hint that they don't see me as "one of the guys." And, maybe, when a guy is interested in me, I want him to throw those stupid dating rules to the side and follow what his heart tells him to do rather than not respond for three days simply so that he doesn't risk seeming too eager to talk me again.

I think dating shouldn't be about rules and timelines that say how the relationship should run and progress. I think dating should be a matter of the heart. For example, if you like me, tell me. Don't beat around the bush and play completely hard to get, don't flirt me one day and be cold the next day, and, most importantly, don't tell me something that you don't mean or lead me on. I want someone to be honest and upfront about their feelings. I mean don't tell me a few days after I met you that you like me but make it obvious that you don't see me as merely a friend. Let me know that you enjoyed spending time with me and would like to again. Neither person should have to wonder what will come next or if there will be a next time.

Dating shouldn't be a guessing game of "He likes me, he likes me not." It isn't fair to either person to play games nor is it easy on the person's heart, especially if someone is anything like me and wears their heart on their sleeves. Just be honest with me about how you are feeling so that I can gauge whether or not it is safe to put my heart on the line and in return you can do the same.

I think dating has become a far too complicated game that needs simplified. So, if you like me then you tell me. If you want to go out on a date then you ask to me go out. If you want to see me or talk to me then you do. If you want to be something more than a friend to me then you tell me. I want this kind of honesty in a relationship and in return I will be that brutally honest. If I want to talk to you I'm going to talk to you regardless of how long it has been simply because friendships start first and friends can talk whenever. If I want to hang out with you, I'm going to ask because what's the harm in asking. I hate the idea that girls can't have a say in relationships and have to sit back, waiting like a damsel in distress for the guy to make all of the moves. If I see something with you then I want you to know or vice versa. I would rather know the truth upfront than worry, obsess, over-think, wonder, and, perhaps, never know what could have been or what the other person was thinking.

Maybe it's the 21st-century girl in me that wants what I want at the drop of a hat, but I think I deserve honesty and not to let my heart go before my head. Dating in today's world is challenging and it makes love difficult -- far more difficult than it should be. It makes such a wonderful experience of getting to know someone for who they really are practically impossible because of the countless rules that dictate what is and isn't acceptable. People are so afraid to make the wrong move that they aren't true to the person that they are. Maybe it's just me but I thought the whole point of dating someone was to learn about who they truly are as a person and if you fall in love with them then you fall in love with who that person really is rather than the persona that they have created.

Dating is risky business, there's no denying it. People change and emotions change, even when you thought that they never would. It is scary to put yourself out there, to be vulnerable, and to follow your heart. Love is a gamble. It will never be simple but it will be worth it someday when you find the right person. Finding that right person might have already have happened, happen tomorrow, happen next year, or happen years from now. Whenever you find that person that you think is worth putting your heart on the line for and dating, a date with your heart not with an unwritten set of rules, I think you'll be happier that you did.

Cover Image Credit: SpoiledNYC

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I'm A Woman And You Can't Convince Me Breastfeeding In Public Is OK In 2019

Sorry, not sorry.


Lately, I have seen so many people going off on social media about how people shouldn't be upset with mothers breastfeeding in public. You know what? I disagree.

There's a huge difference between being modest while breastfeeding and just being straight up careless, trashy and disrespectful to those around you. Why don't you try popping out a boob without a baby attached to it and see how long it takes for you to get arrested for public indecency? Strange how that works, right?

So many people talking about it bring up the point of how we shouldn't "sexualize" breastfeeding and seeing a woman's breasts while doing so. Actually, all of these people are missing the point. It's not sexual, it's just purely immodest and disrespectful.

If you see a girl in a shirt cut too low, you call her a slut. If you see a celebrity post a nude photo, you call them immodest and a terrible role model. What makes you think that pulling out a breast in the middle of public is different, regardless of what you're doing with it?

If I'm eating in a restaurant, I would be disgusted if the person at the table next to me had their bare feet out while they were eating. It's just not appropriate. Neither is pulling out your breast for the entire general public to see.

Nobody asked you to put a blanket over your kid's head to feed them. Nobody asked you to go feed them in a dirty bathroom. But you don't need to basically be topless to feed your kid. Growing up, I watched my mom feed my younger siblings in public. She never shied away from it, but the way she did it was always tasteful and never drew attention. She would cover herself up while doing it. She would make sure that nothing inappropriate could be seen. She was lowkey about it.

Mindblowing, right? Wait, you can actually breastfeed in public and not have to show everyone what you're doing? What a revolutionary idea!

There is nothing wrong with feeding your baby. It's something you need to do, it's a part of life. But there is definitely something wrong with thinking it's fine to expose yourself to the entire world while doing it. Nobody wants to see it. Nobody cares if you're feeding your kid. Nobody cares if you're trying to make some sort of weird "feminist" statement by showing them your boobs.

Cover up. Be modest. Be mindful. Be respectful. Don't want to see my boobs? Good, I don't want to see yours either. Hard to believe, I know.

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To The Boy Who Made Me Love Again

Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love myself.


To the boy who made me love again:

From the very beginning of our relationship, you showed me you were different. You showed me how I should be treated.

After dating someone for three years, falling in love was the last thing I wanted to do again. I did not want to grow close to anyone and fall in love with every little aspect of someone, but with you, it was so much different. You were different from other guys I had talked to. You have done small things for me that make me so happy. From offering to order me pizzas while I'm working to ordering me a key chain that says "drive safe," it's the little things you've done to make me love you.

During my previous relationship, I had come to a custom of pulling out my card to pay for dates and thought it was okay to accept the fact that good morning text did not exist. Every morning since we started dating, you never forget to text me good morning. We almost fight over who is going to pay, because I can't expect you to pay for every date. You have shown me what to expect in a relationship.

You never fail to make me happy. Whenever I say I'm hungry, you get me Mexican. When I want to watch Netflix, you immediately put on The Office. I can mention one thing I want and you buy it because you know it will make me happy. You give me forehead kisses and it puts a smile on my face. Whenever I am upset, you won't get off the phone until you figure out what is wrong and make sure everything is okay.

You make me feel beautiful. I can come over in leggings and socks and Birkenstocks or I can come over in a nice shirt and booties, but either way, you tell me I'm beautiful. Whenever I just wake up and look a hot mess, you look me in my eyes and tell me I'm beautiful.

You always tell me to be careful whenever I'm driving and you make sure to tell me you love me every night before you go to bed. You remind me of things I know I'll forget and you literally read my mind. You motivate me with my schooling and tell me how proud you are of me when I make a good grade.

I never wanted to date again and I especially did not want to fall in love; however, you are everything I dreamed of wanting. I am so blessed to have met you and fallen in love with you. So to the boy who made me want to love again, I love you and thank you for everything.

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