Dating IS Scarier For Women And I Know Why

Dating IS Scarier For Women And I Know Why

I guess I have learned to value safety more than love. I really hope one day I can live in a world where that isn't true.
155
views

I first ventured into the world of online dating as a joke. There was, realistically, no reason for me to. I am 18 years old and headed to college soon where I can almost assure that the number of people I meet will be at an all-time high.

However, as I continued spiraling into the wild world of virtual dating, I actually found myself coming in contact with people I felt could be compatible with me.

Today is the day of my very first date on Tinder. The fear I have of the situation is substantial. When choosing the location for where we were to eat, I was told time and time again from many of my friends that I ought to pick an exceedingly public place. I actually chose somewhere I liked less because I knew it would be more crowded.

The original restaurant I wished to eat at was rarely busy in the afternoon and it felt wrong that I was seeing other customers as potential witnesses in case the man was some sort of murderer. Bad dates seem to come at a very great cost.

A few months ago, Aziz Ansari had allegations of sexual assault. The story unfolded that he had come on to her repeatedly despite her discomfort and she had obliged out of fear and discomfort. As I scrolled through my Twitter timeline, I saw hundreds of post deeming this entire tragic, scarring event as nothing more than a "bad date."

Incidents like this strike fear in me as a woman.

When a woman is pressured into sex, made uncomfortably, and the word "no" is not heard, the entire circumstance is chalked up to nothing more than an unfortunate miscommunication. As a young woman coming into the dating world this narrative is terrifying. Woman are used often as currency is dating and romantic situations.

The phrase "Well, buy me dinner first" has become one that has been used to the point of being a cliche. The fact that there is entitlement over a woman's body and actions for the price of a dinner is frightening to me. I owe you nothing. It doesn't matter if you purchase the world and hand it to me on a golden platter, I still owe you nothing.

I feel as though I had been taught from a young age to fear men. As I get older, and especially as the revelations of the gross abuse behind the scenes of major Hollywood networks and politics come out it is almost like my fears have been affirmed. I hear all the time of girls who are riding in the car with Tinder dates they haven't met before or random boys of vague acquaintance and the natural heir of skepticism I have kicks in full gear. I have become someone who kind of fears men, who seems them as predators jumping at their every chance to get what they want.

As I went on my tinder date, I walked to refill my lemonade. When I did, I left my keys and my purse on the table. When I walked back, I realized my mistake and was so shocked by it that I verbalized it. "Oh my God, you could have taken my car and my phone and my entire identity," I said.

I would have had literally no way of catching him either, I had left my phone on the table too. He laughed. "Good thing you're not going out with a crazy person." I laughed too.

It was a weird concept to me. I in no way even remotely want to sound like the man-hating feminist white boys so often complain of on Twitter, however, especially as of lately, the facts seem to be there. Every single person you thought was safe was brought out with allegations of assault that they had either admitted to or refused to admit to, but the evidence was still there. I became sort of scared as to who around me had the potential predatory ways as well. It wasn't that I am guarded or have any walls up but just that if history repeats itself as it so often has since the beginning of time, I do not wish to fall victim as well.

However, the thing about falling victim is that you are never given a choice. Although the world does all it can do to make it seem like a woman is to blame for the actions of her assaulter, it should be painfully evident that she is not. Her clothes, alcohol consumption, and words do not excuse any gross actions of an assaulter. A victim is a victim and I hope in this Me Too movement we will learn to view them as such.

I have fear within me.

I fear men.

A lot.

I don't hate them, but sometimes I am afraid.

I am afraid of the stories I hear and afraid of becoming another name in a long list of victims. I am afraid that it truly is one thing they seek after and know for certain I have no interest in supplying it. I am afraid and that fear has lost me a lot of potential romances and people that I truly believe I couldn't have had a happy life with if that fear was not within me. I find myself not picking a place that I will like for a date, but a place that I think is safe. I avoid going to his apartment, or really out anywhere that isn't super public.

I am afraid and that fear is rooted so deep within me that I am not sure there will ever be a day where I am truly able to weed it out.

I want the romance, the beautiful walks on the beach, the cute dates, and the laughter, but something tells me the corruption in the world that I so often see pop up in my Twitter feed is all that exists.

I guess I have learned to value safety more than love. I hope I am able to live in a world someday where that just isn't true.

Cover Image Credit: 123rf

Popular Right Now

6 Important Must Knows For Dating Sassy And Sarcastic Girls

Brace yourselves boys, she's a tough one.
13723
views

Dating a girl with a big personality can be tricky. They are some of the most amazing girls but to keep them, one needs to understand them. Here are six important things you must be aware of before you give your heart to a sassy and sarcastic girl.

1. Stubborn

She is going to be the most stubborn creature you will ever meet. I say "creature" because she might actually scare you with how much she refuses to back down until you have full proof she is wrong. And if you can’t prove her wrong, just suck up your pride and let her be right or she’ll never quit. But just remember that she’s simply passionate about whatever it is and you should be proud of her for that.

2. Bluntness

She is going to be blunt. So be prepared to hear the truth. She isn’t going to care how mad you get, if you’re being rude, she won’t be afraid to put you in your place. If your choice of clothing isn’t matching, she’ll tell you. Whatever it is, she isn’t going to keep the truth from you. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes she’s just a little too straightforward.

3. Sensitivity

Be careful sometimes with your choice of words. Though she is blunt, she is also sensitive. Her sarcastic personality is sometimes just a defense mechanism because she fears opening up. She worries a lot and continues to ponder the things you say. Remind her she is loved.

4. Friends

She is going to have a lot more guy friends than she will have girl friends. Why? Because guys tend to find more humor in her sarcasm and don’t take it so personal, whereas other girls take it as she’s being serious and just rude. However, don’t be jealous because trust me, you’re 100 percent hers and those guy friends are just that — friends.

5. Insults

She’s not going to flirt with you by giggling and blushing and calling you cute. She’s going to call you an idiot and smack you across the shoulder or back because to her, that’s easier than being all giddy and speechless over how much she likes you. And even when she’s calling you names, which really is in all fun and games, she doesn’t mean it seriously, she’s actually just saying “I love you” in her own special language.

6. Shorty

If she’s short in addition to being sassy and sarcastic, you’re in for a big treat with her. She is not only going to be full of fast wit, but she is going to have so much spunk in her you won’t know what to do. She will be so feisty that she won’t be afraid of anything or anyone and you yourself won’t even know how to handle her. That’s what makes her special.

It takes a certain type of person to be able to give their heart to someone who can so easily break it with their strong headed personality. But a sarcastic and sassy girl is going to be the one girl who is going to love you with all that she has. Treat her right, and she’ll treat you right.

Cover Image Credit: Larisa Birta

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Poetry On Odyssey: Summer

However I choose to spend my time, I will know that I made this summer season mine.

384
views

Summer

Oh how I have missed this time of year.

My favorite season, it is finally here!


The time for laying on the beach with my toes in the sand.

Or going in a boat away from land.


Feel the sun shine down on me,

Or sitting in the shade under neighbor's tree.


Going with my mom and taking a hike,

Or going for a ride on my bike.


However I choose to spend my time,

I will know that I made this summer season mine.


Related Content

Facebook Comments