For the majority of my collegiate career, I have been the third wheel. Whether, I am with my roommate and his girlfriend, my sister, and her boyfriend, or the fifth and seventh wheel with groups of friends, I have always been the “single friend." As the single friend, I have observed a lot of different dating patterns – the highs, lows, and commons pitfalls of relationships.

Being the third wheel teaches you so much about relationships. As any third wheel would admit, I live through the relationships of my dating friends. I get to tag along on dates. I get to see both sides of every disagreement.

Granted, I will never have all the answers to what makes a perfectly healthy relationship, but being the outsider looking in, I have seen a lot of the same problems that can arise in a relationship and can offer a unique perspective on how to combat those problems.

So as the “forever-alone” wheel of a tricycle, here are my tips on building better relationships:

1. Understand what you want.

What is it you actually want from a potential relationship? Many people go blindly into a relationship without realizing what they want or, more importantly, what expectations they have for their partner. As a third wheel, I have seen so many couples disappointed at their expectations never being achieved. Before you start a relationship ask yourself what you want.

Are you looking for a really good friend from this? Are you wanting someone who will hang out with you 24/7? Are you just looking for a fling? Are you looking for a life partner, ride-or-die person? Without knowing what you want, it is very easy to slip into dangerous zones of being mistreated by your new sweetheart.

Now, everyone has different sides to their personalities. We all have different wants and desires that mature with time. Don’t ever assume you know what someone wants at any time. One mistake, one bad night, does not speak for a person’s character as a whole. Observing a couple’s relationship tells me a lot about their characters.

Your relationships need to be an image of who you are as a person. When people think about your significant other they will also think about you. What is it you want your image to be? Mutual understanding of what you and your partner want from a relationship is so important in building a healthy, trustworthy, and ultimately better relationship.

2. Communicate more.

Seriously, I have lost count of the number of times I have seen relationships destroyed and damaged by lack of communication. It is so sad to see a truly beautiful relationship slowly crumble because they never interacted enough with each other.

There is a lot of debate over love being a noun or a verb. (John Mayer thinks it is a verb. I think I agree with him.) People think that love and relationships are strings of dates and collections of conversations wrapped around a season of holding hands that turns into goodbye kisses. As a third wheel, I have seen relationships develop into more than just emotions. Your partner desires more from you and you from them.

Deep trust forms between you two. One of the most amazing moments of being a third wheel is seeing the transition of a relationship turning from an emotion into an action. Communicate, speak, call, talk with each other. Turn your relationship into one of action, not just one of feelings.

3. Be patient.

Dating is kind of like a discernment process. It is going to take a lot of time and commitment. From the beginning of a relationship, you should ask yourself if you could see yourself with the person for the rest of your life (or long-term, for you commitment-phobes!). The whole point of dating is to get to know someone, but if there’s a deal-breaker in the beginning, you need to be honest with yourself from the start. It will be worth it in the end.

As you keep asking, “is meant to be?”, always guard your heart. One of the easiest mistakes I have seen couples make is they invest too much into each other too soon. Understand that both of you need to take time easing into a relationship. Focus on developing emotional safety and building trust with each other.

In today’s world, we are governed by instant gratification. We get on our phone and can instantly communicate with one another. We lie to ourselves and call that a connection. I do not know how many times I am going to say this, but it takes time. It is hard to open up and be vulnerable to another person.

We confine ourselves into dating games, despite being surrounded by each other on social media. Don’t lie to yourself by saying that texting, tweeting, and snapping every day is a relationship. Being able to talk to someone face to face with everything is worth more than anything. From a third wheel, I believe that people want good and serious relationships, but they honestly do not know how to discover one because they aren’t patient enough with the ones they have.

Now, I am not in a relationship with anyone while writing this article. Maybe I know nothing about relationships or being a couple. Take my advice with a grain of salt because I know I have a long way to go until I can develop a serious relationship with anyone.

In physics, there is a science to the effect of the observer. In quantum mechanics (a simple concept compared to relationships, IMO), we change how the world is when we observe it. A basic example of this is how light is a wave until we look at it by itself and then it is a particle. Light is both a particle (photon) and a wave (energy) until we observe it on the right scale.

Observations let you think about it from every perceptive not just your own. I often think most relationships end because people aren’t willing to think from another perspective. People become prideful and think only from their own point of view. So, although I may be just spitting in the face of love while writing this, there is some science into the power of observation. I have been able to observe relationships for three years now as a constant third wheel. In this third wheel journey, I have learned that relationships are a journey.

You need to know what the purpose of your journey is before starting it. Find what you want. You need to communicate more with whomever you choose to take with you on this journey; otherwise, you will just end up going in circles. You need to realize journeys take time. Be patient. If you honestly care about the person you are interested and want a relationship, then you will respect them as both of you grow in trust and vulnerability.

Journeys have highs and lows just like any relationship. Never take a relationship for granted and always try to work through those problems from each other’s perspectives.