College Hookup Culture Is Extremely Disappointing And Dangerous

College Hookup Culture Is Extremely Disappointing And Dangerous

Trying to find love in a hopeless place leaves young women disappointed.

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I love my friends. I really do. I even love hearing about their relationship problems and consoling them through breakups, but I don't envy the dating environment they are subjected to. Listening to their horror stories of "fuck boys" and watching them get ghosted again and again makes me thank whatever's up there that I don't have to deal with boys of my generation.

Thankfully, I started dating my boyfriend before the stage where guys lose all concept of chivalry and monogamy. I used to worry about missing out on my crazy college days and trying new things and kissing random boys but after entering college and watching my friends struggle, I know I'm not missing out on anything.

College-aged guys have always gotten a bad rap, but it has only gotten worse in recent years. When asked to describe the dating scene in college, one friend said, "It's shit. Hookup culture is all any guy wants to participate in. Dating so far has honestly been pretty disappointing. Another said, "Guys are immature, and all they want to do is party. And if you don't want to do that with them, you're screwed and if you do you're also screwed. Dating in college is a vicious circle."

If you want to date in college you really only have two options: parties and Tinder. Both sound equally unappealing to me. I don't know many girls who have found quality guys through either method. Not that there aren't good guys online or at clubs. But usually, the guy who approaches you while you're shit-faced at Gilt isn't interested in anything beyond the infamous one night stand.

Not only is dating in college unromantic and almost unheard of, but it's also often dangerous too. There's been an increase in recent years of reported sexual assaults and non-consensual use of the drug commonly called roofies. Dating doesn't just suck because the majority of available men are unimpressive, it's also because it's unsafe to meet and trust strangers. You never the true intentions of the guy you're talking to. He might want to get to know you, or he might want to slip something in your drink as soon as you go to the bathroom. And that's pretty freaking scary.

Navigating the dating culture in college is hard, and I'll be the first one to admit it. But I'll give the same advice as I give my friends when they're crying over a stupid boy they met at a stupid party. Don't look for guys in sketchy places. Try talking to the smart guys in class or the guys you always see studying in the library. Go for the guys you meet in school clubs, not nightclubs. There are good guys everywhere but if you're always looking for them in the wrong places you're going to find the wrong guys.

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To Everyone Who Hasn't Had Sex Yet, Wait For Marriage, It's The Right Move

If you have not had sex yet, wait.

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Premarital sex is not a new concept, no matter how much people like to pretend it is. You can trace scripture and historical texts back thousands of year to see that lust and fornication have been a problem since… well, since we humans have been problems.

They tell you in sex ed that sex causes you to form a bond with someone. They throw some big chemical names at you that are apparently in your body and cause that emotional attachment to happen, then you move on (or back to) how important condoms are and why STDs are so scary.

As a middle schooler or teenager, you can't understand what it means to become permanently connected to someone as a result of a quick, physical act.

If you haven't even had your first kiss, you really can't imagine what it's like to develop such a complex and intimate connection with someone because you have yet to feel the butterflies in your stomach from a kiss. So you really don't know what it's like to have a whole different type of feeling in your stomach.

You never forget your first love. It's one of the most cliche things you consistently hear, but it's true. Ask anyone. I guarantee your parents can still spurt out their first love's name in a few seconds. And most people never forget their first time. I know all my friends can recount that often awkward and slightly terrifying moment as if it happened an hour ago. When you mix those two, especially if you are in your teens, oh boy.

You never forget that. No matter how hard you try.

Everything you hear about sex is true: it's amazing, fantastic, life-changing, etc. There's a reason people have done it as frequently as they do, for as long as they have. But every time you sleep with someone, you leave a piece of yourself with them. Every time you choose to take that final physical step with someone, you cannot go back and collect that piece of your dignity and soul that you left with someone.

So, imagine what happens when you break up with someone you've slept with. Or that you just hooked up with. You have given someone a little slice of yourself forever. And you can never get it back. And imagine what happens when you do that multiple times. You give a piece of yourself to five, 10, 15, 20 or more people. Then you meet the person that you want to spend forever with. And you no longer have that whole part of you. You've given pieces away, and you can no longer give those to the love of your life.

So, save those pieces for your future spouse.

If you have not had sex yet, wait. If you have, consider not giving more pieces of yourself away to people who are not your spouse. Sex was created to be between two spouses, nobody else. So we need to try to maintain its integrity.

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Tis’ The Season To Be Cuffed—Or Get Uncuffed

This actually might be the worst time of the year to be single. However, it doesn't have to be all that bad!

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This is probably my absolute favorite season ever. And I'm sure a lot of you reading this can agree with me.

What's not to love? Christmas music 24/7, beautiful lights and decorations, gift-giving, quality time with your loved one—maybe even a special someone for some of us.

I won't sugar coat it. The holidays are much better when you have someone to kiss under the mistletoe.

This actually might be the worst time of the year to be single. However, it doesn't have to be all that bad!

A lot of my friends have unfortunately gotten themselves uncuffed—which is totally okay. I personally don't think it's right to stay with someone if you know deep down it isn't going to work out in the long run. Sure, it sucks that you're breaking up during such a jolly time of the year, but so what?

It's great to have someone to spend Christmas with, but even if you don't have that special someone, you have many other "special someones" aka your family and friends.

All that truly matters is the people who love and support you. Use this holiday season to think about not only yourself but others. Spoil your mom, treat your dad. Go to Christmas-themed events with your friends! Couple pictures aren't the only things that look cute on Instagram. As a matter of fact, my high school group of friends and I dressed up one year in matching Santa-esque outfits and took a picture with Santa at one of our local malls.

I don't expect you to go all out, but feel free to. Just remember, my single ladies and gents, the holidays don't have to be so lonely. You're always surrounded with people who love you!

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