11 Tweets You’ll Laugh At If You’re Painfully Single

Three words, say it and I'm all yours. "Let's be friends"

Elle Hong

May 28, 2019

UCLA

303

11 Tweets You’ll Laugh At If You’re Painfully Single

Instagram - Ella Ceron

All the single ladies, now put your hands up!!!

Without a doubt, single life can be both a blessing and a curse. Whereas everyone around you is getting into relationships, bragging about their S.O. or perhaps even getting engaged, you find alone in bed every night downing a whole pizza to yourself in midst of another Netflix marathon.

Single life can also be very lonely at times but you know what? It's time for us to stop being so remorseful and miserable. I mean, who says singles can't live their best lives?

Here's 11 relatable tweets you can laugh at if you're painfully single:

1. Official relationship status: In a committed relationship with a large pepperoni and extra cheese pizza

pizza won't divorce you pizza won't betray you pizza won't cheat on you pizza won't fight with you why don't people just marry pizza
— 9GAG (@9GAG) 1444582831.0

2. Due to personal reasons, I will be throwing back a shot for every time I delete another boy’s number off my contacts

3. My brain: "don't do it, don't do it" Me: re-downloads Bumble and Tinder

haven’t opened tinder for a bit and thought to myself “well they’ve probably restocked their inventory” modern dating is hell
— Brandy Jensen (@Brandy Jensen) 1523808211.0

*Sirens and lights go flashing off in the distance*

4. Online dating reality: All these matches, but I can't even start a fire

If tinder has taught me one thing it's that there is an extraordinary amount of single girls named Shelby that love to ride horses
— Jeffrey Hadz (@Jeffrey Hadz) 1420667111.0

Or a lot of really LA-hotshot-shirtless-model Chads or Asian Kevins who love boba

5. Or when you DO end up with a promising match only for this to happen:

being single is all fun and games until you realise it’s a never ending cycle of getting to know someone, they even… https://t.co/lurguNERdK
— senorita ugly (@senorita ugly) 1528796636.0

I mean, if you're going to ghost me, why do you still watch my story? Like you didn't want me so stop looking at me, b*tch.

6. Epitome of single life: drunk calling your ex

5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message"
— Mae (@Mae) 1420924026.0

If you didn't drunk call him, text him and cry to him (or about him) at some point is he really your ex???

7. No one: Me: Runs back to my ex knowing full well I'm up for heartbreak round 103949

So single that I'm starting a recycling program- dudes from years ago are back in my life. Super environmental.
— Laura (@Laura) 1429239763.0

But hey, at least I'm being eco-friendly

8. But ya'll want to know what's REAL heartbreak? Catching feelings for someone only to get hit with this one liner:

'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."
— Sasshole (@Sasshole) 1401066109.0

Three words—say it and I'm all yours.

"Let's be friends"

9. At least being single means you can do whatever the f*ck you want

Being single is cool bc you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss
— Shira (@Shira) 1380772452.0

You do you, girllllll

10. You can also avoid embarrassing situations like this:

There is a really good looking guy in my accounting class and his insta was on private so I sent a follow request d… https://t.co/FsBmx14KGA
— BChopz (@BChopz) 1556981920.0

Can we all please dedicate a prayer for Becca?

11. Moral of the story: Let me just avoid all social interactions and just hole up inside my room eating spoonfuls of Nutella straight out of the jar.

ME: im sick of being single FRIEND: want me to set u up with someone? ME: absolutely not, i'd have to put on pants & talk. no thank u
— Bob Vulfov (@Bob Vulfov) 1447962499.0

No Pants Squad for LIFE

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11 Tweets You’ll Laugh At If You’re Painfully Single

Three words, say it and I'm all yours. "Let's be friends"

1. Official relationship status: In a committed relationship with a large pepperoni and extra cheese pizza

2. Due to personal reasons, I will be throwing back a shot for every time I delete another boy’s number off my contacts

3. My brain: "don't do it, don't do it" Me: *re-downloads Bumble and Tinder*

4. Online dating reality: All these matches, but I can't even start a fire

5. Or when you DO end up with a promising match only for this to happen:

6. Epitome of single life: drunk calling your ex

7. No one: Me: Runs back to my ex knowing full well I'm up for heartbreak round 103949

8. But ya'll want to know what's REAL heartbreak? Catching feelings for someone only to get hit with this one liner:

9. At least being single means you can do whatever the f*ck you want

10. You can also avoid embarrassing situations like this:

11. Moral of the story: Let me just avoid all social interactions and just hole up inside my room eating spoonfuls of Nutella straight out of the jar.

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18 objectives that need to be won before I can be tried as an adult.

Graduate in the top 20 of my class.

Get accepted into the WVU Reed College of Media.

Land a spot in the trumpet section at WVU.

Win Homecoming King.

Participate in the Fall Play & Spring Musical.

Obtain a CTE Certificate in Broadcasting Communications.

Pass my AP Tests.

Improve my photography skills.

Form an organization method that works for me.

Make great memories with my best friends.

Make someone feel special.

Let my creativity out into my daily life.

Write frequently.

Practice videography.

Paint more often.

Move out of my room.

Not care what others think about me as much.

Make sure I don't get caught up in meaningless high school drama.

Finish this article.

If it doesn't take you a full hour, you're doing it wrong.

1. The "welp"

2. The hugs

3. The walk to the door

4. The doorway chat

5. The "we really should be going"

6. The second round of hugs

7. The hand on the doorknob

8. The slow open conversation

9. The window wave

The clearest of messages are the ones hidden in broad daylight.

"My greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live."

1. I know you're happy, 'cause I can see it, so tell the voice inside your head to believe it (“Only One")

2. Woke up an optimist, sun was shining, I'm positive. (“FourFive Seconds")

3. You know what the Midwest is? Young and restless. (“Jesus Walks")

4. But I'm a champion, so I turned tragedy to triumph. (“Through the Wire")

5. And I heard 'em say, nothin' ever promised tomorrow today. (“Heard 'em Say")

6. 'Fore the day I die, I'mma touch the sky. (“Touch the sky")

7. Gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly. (“Touch the Sky")

8. I think I died in an accident, cause this must be heaven. (“Touch the Sky")

9. You see, if you ever wanted to ever be anything, there'd always be somebody that shoot down any dream. There'll always be haters, that's the way it is. (“Bring Me Down")

10. For ever ever? For ever ever? Ever ever? (“Diamonds From Sierra Leone")

11. Let's go on a livin' spree. Shit, they say the best things in life are free. (“Good Life")

12. Welcome to the good life. (“Good life")

13. Everything I'm not made me everything I am. (“Everything I Am")

14. Let's have a toast for the douchebags. Let's have a toast for the assholes. Let's have a toast for the scumbags, every one of them that I know. (“Runaway")

15. On a bathroom wall I wrote, "I'd rather argue with you than to be with someone else." (“Blame Game")

16. Things used to be, now they not. Anything but us is who we are. (“Blame Game")

17. Lost in this plastic life. Let's break out of this fake-ass party. (“Lost in the World")

18. I'm trying to right my wrongs, but it's funny, them same wrongs helped me write this song. (“Touch the Sky")

19. And don't let nobody with the power to sign ever tell you you ain't got the power to rhyme. (“Get By")

20. The weather's so breezy, man, why can life always be this easy? (“Flashing Lights")

21. We shine because they hate us, floss 'cause they degrade us. (“All Falls Down")

22. And this is for the family that can't be with us. (“Family Business")

23. As kids we used to laugh, who knew that life would move this fast? (“Family business")

24. I know I look better in real life. (“The Glory")

25. In the club, always the flyest. (“Everyone Nose")

26. Screams from the haters got a nice ring to it. I guess every superhero need his theme music. (“Power")

27. I go for mine, I got to shine, now throw your hands up in the sky. (“Good Life")

28. You weren't perfect, but you made life worth it. (“Blame Game")

29. Too many Urkels on your team, that's why your wins low. (“Dark Fantasy")

30. It's amazing, I'm the reason everybody fired up this evening. (“Amazing")

31. You got a new friend, well, I got homies. (“Heartless")

32. Throw your hands up in the sky and say “We don't care what people say." (“We Don't Care")

33. I'll never be picture perfect Beyoncé. (“Everything I am")

34. Keep risin' 'til the sky knows your name. (“Only One")

3. My brain: "don't do it, don't do it" Me: re-downloads Bumble and Tinder

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1. I know you're happy, 'cause I can see it,  so tell the voice inside your head to believe it (“Only One")