The Dangers Of Misleading Titles | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

The Dangers Of Misleading Titles

The Most Important Thing You Will Read All Day

11
The Dangers Of Misleading Titles
Business2

Please, take a seat. Now, I don't know how to tell you this, but...we're all concerned. We've watched you fall from grace and become something that is no longer recognizable by even your best friends. You used to care about things. You used to understand what it was like to love. You used to be able to scroll through Facebook without clicking on every article that sounded moderately interesting. What happened? What made you lose touch with the world? Your mother and I have gathered a few friends and relatives here today who are ready and willing to help you become just who you used to be--and who you would still be today if it weren't for your poor life decisions.

We know that you didn't want this, and maybe you're not ready for it, but we had to make this happen one way or another. And trust me, this wasn't the way we wanted to do it. We wanted you to be in a place where you were comfortable when we told you to get a grip on your life. Maybe in your bedroom, or the dining room table, or at that local drug store where you buy under-the-table Snapchat updates. It was actually your grandfather who had the idea to plant a fake article on your Facebook wall that would trick you into coming here today. I initially thought it wouldn't work, but here you are.

Before you say anything, we want you to know that you're safe here. Yes, we've taken away your iPhone and replaced it with a brick, but it's for your own good. The cost of continuing on this path far outweighs the benefits. You don't need it. Okay? I know that it seems impossible now, but plenty of other people have recovered from the very same thing. You remember Uncle Joe? He clicked on this very same article six years ago, and now look at him. Sure, he's still dead, but for completely unrelated reasons. If he had just stayed away from those vaccines--but that's on another subject. Today is about you.

Now, we do have a plan for you. We have consulted with doctors and therapists for the past six months or so, and it seems we have come up with something that might get you to where you need to be. Don't worry about the costs. Our health insurance will be helping out a little bit with it, and I'll start taking some more night shifts in order to cover the rest. This is not something to feel guilty about. We are willing to do whatever it takes to stop your nonsense tweets and retweets. Once you started buying followers, we knew that we had to do something. And now we have.

I know that you clicked on this article hoping for a picture of a kitten or a funny joke, but this is so much more important. We're not trying to hurt you, honey. We're trying to help. Also, can you get some bread on your way home? Thanks.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Gilmore Girls
Hypable

In honor of Mother’s Day, I have been thinking of all the things my mom does for my family and me. Although I couldn’t write nearly all of them, here are a few things that moms do for us.

They find that shirt that’s right in front of you, but just you can’t seem to find.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

10 Reasons To Thank Your Best Friend

Take the time to thank that one friend in your life you will never let go of.

5103
Thank You on wooden blocks

1. Thank you for being the one I can always count on to be honest.

A true friend will tell you if the shirt is ugly, or at least ask to borrow it and "accidentally" burn it.

2. Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

A best friend will love you regardless of the stale french fries you left on the floor of your car, or when you had lice in 8th grade and no one wanted to talk to you.

Keep Reading...Show less
sick student
StableDiffusion

Everybody gets sick once in a while, but getting sick while in college is the absolute worst. You're away from home and your mom who can take care of you and all you really want to do is just be in your own bed. You feel like you will have never-ending classwork to catch up on if you miss class, so you end up going sick and then it just takes longer to get better. Being sick in college is really tough and definitely not a fun experience. Here are the 15 stages that everyone ends up going through when they are sick at college.

Keep Reading...Show less
friends
tv.com

"Friends" maybe didn’t have everything right or realistic all the time, but they did have enough episodes to create countless reaction GIFs and enough awesomeness to create, well, the legacy they did. Something else that is timeless, a little rough, but memorable? Living away from the comforts of home. Whether you have an apartment, a dorm, your first house, or some sort of residence that is not the house you grew up in, I’m sure you can relate to most of these!

Keep Reading...Show less
man working on a laptop
Pexels

There is nothing quite like family.

Family is kinda like that one ex that you always find yourself running back to (except without all the regret and the angsty breakup texts that come along with it).

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments